Everyone needs good people in their lives.
Some get lucky and have a built in support system with their family. Others have to collect a strong support system as they grow and surround themselves with good friends.
Occasionally, toxic people have to be pruned from our lives, however, and we need to to say goodbye to relationships that no longer serve us.
But what happens when there are no bad people left to let go of? Is it still okay to say goodbye to someone when they haven't really done you wrong?
Of course it is.
Let go of relationships that do not serve you. That means negative people, dishonest people, people who don't respect you, people who are overly critical and relationships that prevent you from growing. You can't grow as a person, if you don't have people in your life who want to grow with you. - Unknown
So you get along, like similar things, have compatible values, and care about your friend.
What more could you need?
One thing that you can't fake is chemistry. - Blake Shelton, singer
It may seem heartless, but it's actually pretty important to have friendly chemistry. It's just that thing you can't put your finger on that makes you want to be around the person.
And if you don't feel it anymore, it is still valid to end things if you just don't enjoy their company. They don't even need to be uninteresting, you just don't like how you feel around them.
It's typically nice to have people in your life who care about you.
But sometimes people can care “too much,” or show it in a way that isn't so supportive. We all want to live our lives in the ways that make us happiest. That sometimes means living a less than conventional lifestyle or making decisions some might consider risky.
But people who care about you can be confused or worried without trying to make you feel bad or change your mind. Good people can become overly critical of your decisions or lifestyle even if they have your happiness in mind.
They may seek stability for your sake, sacrificing your satisfaction for safety. It is fine for them to want you to be okay, and it is just as valid to want less critical people in your life.
Feeling pressured to live up to impossible standards is no fun for anyone.
And being expected to fail can feel just as defeating. But having someone around you who doesn't expect much from you in any capacity can be equally unnerving.
They may pass it off as being nonjudgmental or loving you unconditionally. Unconditional love is great. But you probably still want to surround yourself with people who wouldn't give you a pass for having questionable integrity.
Being okay with everything sounds good on paper but causes problems in reality. It's fine to leave people behind who don't hold you accountable or have higher expectations of you than the bottom of the barrel.
We all need to have dreams.
You can't eat them and they don't pay the rent, but they keep a lot of us going. You do need people who keep your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds. But most of us dreamers can't afford to have too many people around who don’t believe in our dreams.
But please understand, a reality check is different from discouragement.
Important people in your life can pose questions, request details, and dig deeper into your dreams without trying to crush you. It is perfectly acceptable to remove people from your life who suggest you settle for less than success or only try to achieve within your means.
Actually reaching your dreams may be a far stretch, but it's easier with people who want to know more so they can help.
Of course it can feel good to have close friends and family think highly of you to themselves and speak highly of you to others.
But problems can arise when people in your life begin talking you up to others a little too much, or talking themselves down around you because they feel bad for you or pity your life.
This can be done in good conscience to make sure they're not bragging around you or making your life seem worse compared to theirs. The problem is the only one who seems to be comparing your life to another's is them.
You may be perfectly content with your “lesser” life, or acknowledge the differences between their and your class or social status. But that doesn't mean you feel bad about it or yourself.
It can bring anyone down to be around someone constantly complaining about their perfectly privileged life, or legitimate struggles. Once that behavior goes on long enough, it can definitely sour most moods.
But when the person trying to prop you up or put themselves down is motivated by internalized embarrassment, shame or guilt on your behalf, those good intentions to keep your ego satisfied turn into their own “good guy/girl” mode of manipulation.
No one asked them to try to control your feelings or how others around them feel about you. This is reason enough to let this relationship go.
There are many valid reasons to end a relationship.
There doesn't need to be a big blowout or major offense. Just a simple character flaw, personality quirk, or general lack of interest can make a relationship fade out.
Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Letting go gracefully and remembering the good times may be the best way to honor what you had.
October 26, 2021
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