8 Helpful Ways to Cope With the Aftermath of Being Ghosted

By Reniel

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Last Updated: November 10, 2021

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There are a lot of great things that the modern world has made possible.

Faster transportation, huge cities, the internet, and social media. However, that modern world has also led to a series of challenges and issues such as accidents, theft, and ghosting.

Yes, unlike our forefathers who lived in small towns and villages – restricted to commune with only people within trekkable distances – fast transportation, the internet, and social media (in particular) has made it possible to stay in touch with people from distant cities (sometimes halfway across the globe).

Long-distance relationships have never been easier (fixable, and even enjoyable).

And while it is amazing to stay connected with people despite the distance and buzz, it has also become equally possible to lose people. Ghosting is now possible.

 

What is the Meaning of 'Ghosting'?

Ghosting is when someone you’ve been in close contact with suddenly vanishes – with no trace, a word, or even warning.

It feels almost as though they never existed. Sometimes you could even get blocked from seeing their accounts on social media or get barred from calling their line. In fact, it sometimes feels as though the relationship never existed before – that maybe you were dreaming.

When you think about it, there is hardly any reason why they should choose to stop speaking with you. You may even start to believe something bad must have happened to them because from all indications everything was great (until it wasn’t).

Just like in the movie, “Reminiscence”, you feel like you deserve some explanation; and the silence – the ghost – drives you insane. All sorts of feelings cloud your mind and judgment. You may feel:

  • Ashamed for being so undesirable (or disposable)
  • Confused for not knowing why it happened in the first place
  • Angry for being left hanging
  • Embarrassed because of what you think your friends or family might think

Your ego and self-esteem suffer. And the silence grows louder.

Being ghosted hurts like hell, no matter how tough you are. It hurts particularly because you made yourself so vulnerable to the individual – something that is necessary to establish a meaningful relationship with people.

So, whose fault is it? Yours for exposing yourself? Or theirs for being so insensitive?

Your mind swings between both conclusions. One moment you are blaming them for being immature, and stupid, and lame. But to think that of them would imply that you were to blame for opening up to someone like that.

The next minute you find yourself blaming yourself for being so gullible, and stupid, and vulnerable. Both extremes hurt. Neither helps. 

So, how do you cope with the pain of being ghosted?

 

8 Ways to Get Over Being Ghosted

Let’s face it; whether they informed you or not, you were still going to be hurt – maybe a little less, but hurt nonetheless. So, the answer you seek – the desire to know the reason why they ghosted you – is oftentimes just not worth it.

What you rather need is a plan to rejuvenate your hurt ego and self-esteem. That said, what you need to do is:

1. Stop Blaming Yourself

The first thing you must do is to stop blaming yourself for the actions of others.

The truth is that not all relationships can work, no matter how nice you are. In fact, it's seldom about you or them, but about your compatibility. This can involve several factors that may be outside the control of both of you – think religion, source of income, distance, genetics, etc.

2. Don’t Suppress Your Feelings

Don’t numb your hurt by abusing substances – drinking, smoking, etc. – or even eating too much. You must allow yourself to feel your feelings so they don’t come slipping out later in uglier forms. 

3. Empathize With Yourself

Comfort yourself. Say nice things to yourself, and maybe, even treat yourself to something nice.

4. Take Care Of Your Body And Mind

Nourish your body and mind with healthy foods and rich content respectively. Keep your body and mind healthy by not allowing toxins to get into them. Don’t let negativity marinate your psyche.

5. Talk To Someone

It is easier to process emotions if you share them with someone who you can trust and someone who genuinely cares – maybe a friend, or family member.

Talking relieves you of the pent-up emotions. It makes you feel understood.

6. Spend More Time With Family And Friends

This would remind you that you are loved and accepted.

It would heal the pain, and put the relationship in perspective – you begin to realize that those that matter would never leave, and if they did, maybe they were never meant to be. Maybe it was for the best, and you still have people who care for you.

7. Meditate

Practicing some “loving-kindness” meditation can prove to be very effective in both making peace with yourself, and forgiving the other person for the hurt they caused. If done right, you can come to be genuinely happy for both you and the person.

8. Talk To A Therapist

In extreme cases – like the case of the guy in the movie, “Reminiscence” – you might want to seek professional help to process your emotions in a healthy way.

Having bad luck on the relationship front? Read this next: 5 Bad Dating Habits to Detox This Year

 

Being Ghosted Stinks - But You Don't Have to Let it Overtake You

You could be ghosted by a date, a friend, or a co-worker, and it is a normal response to feel a bit hurt that things didn’t go the way you expected.

But, you have to realize that most ghosters are also struggling with “something”; and maybe it was best for everyone that the relationship ended sooner rather than later.

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

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4 comments on “8 Helpful Ways to Cope With the Aftermath of Being Ghosted”

  1. I have begin Ghosted by my best friend of 10 years with out a word she pass my home every day I not knowing that i was been Ghosted Call her to say what happen to you she say not ting

  2. I was ghosted by my childhood friend of over 40 yrs..this devastated me cuz I fell in love with him and he contacted me and I was going through a divorce from my husband for infedelity.Went on 3 yrs long distance.

  3. It's possible she may have heard from others bad mouthing you out of envy or she may have discovered something you may have said or done that crosses her pathway that's hurting her.

  4. What if you are ghosted by adult children of a divorce? My husband reliably paid support, was there on Fridays to pick up for weekends, and to return over the weekend for school activities etc,summers at lake, fun programs in the nearly 4 mths/yr (15 years), paid post SS tuition for courses, baled from debt etc,flew to our cottage for a visit, never knew where they lived or with what girl,(!),tried texting to break the ice but it was all blame and giving me advice, saw at dad's funeral.. .then a few months later he texted him a challenge: one year to tell me 'what is a dad?' so he was insensed at his beligerance at end of year he writes son 'what about a cup of coffee to see if friendship is preferable to 'father' relationship?
    Nothing. But he is 38 and now lives with his mother who by the by had no boundaries or discipline, even let him, at 18, share his bedroom with a 14 year old girl (got a letter from her parents!!) etc etc etc

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