8 Red & Green Flags You Should Look Out For When Dating

By Tatenda


Last Updated: December 12, 2022

After meeting someone we think we might be interested in being in a relationship with, dating is usually the next step.

Getting to know someone is probably one of the best parts of meeting new people. We often do not know what to expect and that makes the dating phase even more exciting. 

As we get to know the other person, we also get to know ourselves more. Dating allows us to reevaluate our expectations, preferences, values, and desires. This is probably one of the reasons why dating is essential before two people decide to be in a relationship. 

With that in mind, the dating period is also something we need to approach from an objective perspective and without any preconceived expectations. This way, we are able to clearly see if the other person is a good fit for us or not. 

Most of us have had terrible experiences, and when we look back, we notice that the signs were there, but we simply ignored them. 

To reduce such encounters in terms of relationships, I compiled this list of red and green flags that you should look out for when dating. I hope this helps you evaluate your dating experience from a different lens. 



4 Green Flags to Keep an Eye For When Dating

They respect your boundaries.

This is a big green flag in all kinds of relationships.

When you communicate that you are not comfortable with something, and the other person hears and respects that without you having to mention it twice, that is amazing!

Sometimes our boundaries are subtle. For instance, there are some topics we do not want to talk about and tend to avoid when they come up in conversations. If your date is able to notice this and not push for you to go against your will, that is a big green flag. 


They make time for you.

Most of us have extremely busy schedules, and we barely have time for ourselves and the things we enjoy doing.

If someone is able to make time for you in their busy day, then you clearly mean something to them. 


You are sexually compatible. 

This is an important aspect of relationships that should never be ignored.

If you are sexually compatible, it is easier for you to have a healthy sex life and an overall fulfilling relationship. 


They tell their circle about you.

Depending on how long you have dated for, knowing that the person you could potentially be in a relationship with has told their close friends about you can be a good thing. 

It shows that they are happy to have you in their life and they see a future with you.



Red Flags to Never Tolerate When Dating 

Poor listening skills.

I am sure most of us have met some people who are just unable to listen. You have to tell them the same thing over and over, not because they forgot, but because they never listened. If they are unable to listen during the dating phase, they will never suddenly change and start listening when you’re in a relationship. 


They barely ask any questions.

The dating phase is there for both parties to get to know each other.

And asking questions is undoubtedly one of the best ways to get someone to open up and talk about themselves. 

If you notice that your date never asks you any questions, that might be concerning. You might find that a large portion of the conversation ends up focusing on them, allowing you to learn more about them while they know nothing about you. For most, that is a huge red flag worth running away from. 


They are aggressive.

Seemingly small signs of aggression such as pushing you or slamming doors in an argument can be easily brushed off.

However, they shouldn’t. All forms of violence should never be tolerated or ignored as that fosters an environment that allows the violent person to continuously become more violent. 


They blame everyone else. 

If you meet someone who finds a way to blame everyone around them, that could be a concerning trait.

When dating, pay attention to how the other person describes their previous relationships and interactions with other people.

If your date speaks of themselves as a saint who is always wronged by those around them, you might be potentially dealing with a problematic individual who never sees anything they might have done wrong.

Such people are incapable of giving an apology. Or at least a genuine one because in their eyes, they are perfect and don’t do anything wrong. 



Red & Green Flags to Look Out For When Dating

As you probably noted, green flags are the great things most of us desire in a relationship.

Their presence gives us the go-ahead to proceed with the relationship. 

On the other hand, the red flags scream NO. Sometimes we overlook the red flags because we are distracted by some of the green flags or simply because we are desperate to be in a relationship.  

In such cases, that is where our friends come in handy. Since they are not the ones dating the person, they are in a position to give an unbiased opinion, and that is what we need before deciding to get into a relationship.

Lastly (and probably most importantly), red and green flags differ for each person.

Although in this article I used a more generalized categorization, that doesn’t mean it is applicable to everyone. Something you consider a red flag might be under the green flag list (or vice versa) and that is absolutely fine. You do not have to change your preferences.

The main aim is to ensure that you are well aware of the things you want and those you never want to tolerate.

If the biggest green flag which is a deep connection is there, conversations flow effortlessly and their presence makes you feel happy, then maybe, you might have found someone special.

Photo by cottonbro studio



6 comments on “8 Red & Green Flags You Should Look Out For When Dating”

  1. I think you should place this article on every social media platform, so many people don't ignore the red flags.

    Excellent article! Thank you for sharing.

    1. That would be helpful for a lot of people Eydie! Dating is hard enough as it is without having to worry about whether people are being honest with you or not. Hopefully this helps!

  2. The article is one every girl should learn early on and abusers are predatory.they look for a certain type and know how to smooge and.con.until they have you where they want you. The other thing i would add is to wat h how they treat the.women in their lives are they loving and respectful.and kind and find out about their arrest history if any and how former girlfriends had been treated. Even verval abuse that strips you of self worth is bad you can heal.from physicall but mental and emotionall leave scars that take longer to heal and go deeper!!! This is from personalexperience....

    1. We're sorry to hear you know this from personal experience, Cheryl. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who take advantage of others. But as you say, if we know the signs to watch out for before we get too deep, we can be confident when we decide to move on. It's a really good idea to keep an eye on the other kinds of relationships they have and how they treat those people (if there are any). It's not to say you should never trust anyone, but you should definitely be wary of red flags and trust your gut instinct. Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

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