Accepting Your Partner Unconditionally: What Does It Really Mean?

By Dominica


Last Updated: November 23, 2020

When you enter an intimate relationship, you’ve likely got your, “Oh, my gosh, this person is amazing” glasses on.  All you can see is how wonderful they are.  As you get to know each other, those love chemicals are surging nicely.  You think about each other all the time and spend as much time together as you can.

Falling in love is wonderful, right?

But what happens years down the road?

What about the falling out of love path that shows up five, seven, ten, fifteen years down the road?

For many people, those “you are amazing” glasses fall off.  You can’t deny this with the divorce rate hovering around 50 percent.

You may not be at the “let’s call it quits” point, but you may not be feeling all those love chemicals that much anymore. Whereas you used to think your partner was flawless, today you may notice all sorts of quirks, irritating traits, and so on.

What Does Unconditional Love Mean?

Some people have the wrong idea about unconditional love. They think that it means that they must love to the degree that they put up with disrespectful behavior. Or, they have to change for their partner, giving away their own identity. This isn’t healthy love.

Essentially, unconditional love means that both of you work as a team, allowing each of you to be who they are and accepting each other along your journey.  It means accepting them even when you don’t understand them or they’re not thinking or doing like you think they should.

Can You Practice Unconditional Love?

This is where the rubber meets the roads for healthy, mature relationships.

Are you able to accept and love your partner unconditionally?  Without conditions?

You may be nodding yes, but chances are you’ll be challenged every now and then.  How about if they gain weight? Lose their hair? Or when they go through a dark night of the soul?  Lose their job? Childhood trauma is kicking their butt?

There are many reasons you could contemplate ditching your partner.

However, you don’t have to. You can learn ahead of time how to deal with things that come up in a relationship – normal and tough things. Those kinds of things you’re not sure you can deal with, but you’re willing to try.

The good news is that a firm commitment to fully accept and love your partner is not impossible.

In fact, it may be easier than you think.

Today, let’s look at ways you can show up for your partner accepting and loving them unconditionally.

Take note, however, that I’m talking about relationships where there’s no abuse of any kind going on. If your partner is abusing you mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually, those are behaviors you do not have to accept.  If you are being abused, seek help.

How You Can Be a Supportive Partner

To accept your partner unconditionally means that you’re in it for the long haul. You are committed to showing up for your partner, even when it is uncomfortable. Even when you’re mad at them. Even when you’re shaking in your shoes.

Sometimes life throws difficult circumstances at you and/or your relationship. The stress piles up. You get frustrated with each other. You get bored in the relationship. You wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side.

Sometimes your partner acts out. They whine, complain, project their feelings onto you, are insecure, emotionally aloof, and so on.  So, what do you do when your partner is going through a tough time? Do you take their distance or irritability personal? Or do you step up and show up as unconditional love?  Do you accept them right where they are in the midst of their stuff?

It’s Not Personal

The reality is tough times come and your partner can’t be your superhero all the time. Maybe work has piled up and it’s stressing them out. Or maybe they feel like their passion for life has dwindled.  Keep in mind that it’s not personal.

Sit down and have a discussion with your partner and ask them what’s going on.  Let them know that you sense something is bothering them and let them know you’re there to listen.  Open the door and invite a discussion. They may share of they might not. Either way, you’ve made it clear that you’re not taking it personal and you’re open to listen.

Keep It Positive

Open communication is a key to a harmonious relationship.  Keep your discussions on a positive note as best as you can, even if there is some tension in the air.  If you’re feeling like you’re powerless over your partner’s dilemma, accept that you may be powerless- and that’s alright.  Trust that they will get through this difficult time and do your best to support them the whole time.

Forgive Each Other

Get familiar with forgiveness, as your relationship will be much better if you both commit to forgiving each other. You’re not going to get it perfect. There will be days you lash out, offend, project, blame, and so on.  Ask for forgiveness and extend it when your partner asks for it.

Give Them Time And Space

When you’re struggling with a situation, don’t you sometimes just need some time and space?  You might need to give your partner the same consideration and allow them to do the internal or external work that needs to be done.

Maybe they’ve got some lessons to learn. Or perhaps they are dealing with an unfortunate situation.  Focus on keeping yourself together and believing in your partner. Be the rock that they need and the cheerleader they desire.

You Both Deserve Happiness

Both you and your partner deserve happiness.  When you can accept your partner for who they are, you’re both more apt to experience happiness. This means you’re not relying totally on them for your level of joy and vice versa.  You both commit to letting each of you have your own personality, quirks and flaws included.

That being said, unconditional love doesn’t mean that you have to stay in a situation where you or both of you are miserable. If the relationship just isn’t working despite your efforts, maybe it’s time to end that chapter.  Of course, you may want to head off to couple’s therapy before making that decision. You can gain some really great insights when you commit to a season of counseling.

Do You Love Conditionally?

How do you think you’re doing loving your partner? Do you have conditions on that love?

For example, if your partner is 30 minutes late for dinner, do you become cold and ignore them for days?  Withdrawing your love like that won’t help matters. In fact, it will weaken the foundation of your relationship.

Love without conditions means that you still show up in love to your partner, even when they mess up or hurt you.  In the example above, rather than giving the cold shoulder, you could sit down and have a conversation around the situation. Let them know how you feel.  Let them explain why they were late. Try not to get triggered, but really have a heart-to-heart about it.

You don’t have to love it that they’re late, but you also don’t have to withdraw love.

Another example of conditional love includes expecting your partner to do things for you in return for what you do for them. (And getting mad when they don’t) Other examples include thinking or saying things like:

·         “I’ll only love you if…”

·         “I only want easy breezy. If things get hard or chaotic, I’m gone.”

·         “If you don’t A, B, or C, I’ll be gone.”

Commit To Unconditional Love

Be honest with yourself as you gauge how you love your partner. Commit to unconditional love, even if they’re not quite there yet.  Who knows? As you show up for them without conditions, they may enjoy it so much they get on board and follow suit. After all, not everyone learns how to love without conditions growing up.

Stand by your partner, declaring things like:

·         “I’m with you. I’ll love you even if you…”

·         “I’ve got your back. No matter what, I’m your partner, and I’m on your side.”

·         “When the tough times come, I’m staying. I’m in this with you.”

How do you show up and accept your partner unconditionally?


6 comments on “Accepting Your Partner Unconditionally: What Does It Really Mean?”

  1. Unconditional love
    Loving someone unconditionally doesn't just happen overnight, it takes time to love someone unconditionally. Both partners must have gone through trying times. It takes commitments to build a healthy or lasting relationship.

  2. (No subject)
    Yes, I love all that this is saying. I practice having compassion, empathy and understanding with my partner. It is also important to communicate your wants/desires as well and not just expect that they should know what they are and then getting upset when you dont/ they don't. Its unfortunate how these days, it seems like relationships are seen a disposable and people would rather not put in the work. When you put in these efforts however, without attachment to outcome, you may just be surprised at how they get reciprocated!

  3. Divine partnership, unconditional love
    Hi, I am on my Devine journey of enlightenment and twin flame union.
    I started this journey a few years back,
    My soul had this planned from the start.

    I never knew exactly what I was looking for or even why I was looking, my life seemed so empty, a wish unfulfilled, a knowing I had a calling of will.
    I found my TF some time before, a friend at the time but we both wanted more.
    We came and went over the years, finally making the leap to see what our future will hold. To our unknown It was the beginning or the end, it was time for our awakening to be more than a friend.
    It’s been around 450 days from the beginning, the trigger of love that awakened our true meaning.
    We must learn our lessons of unconditional love, to find balance in what we dream of. It’s not your partner that creates your negative feeling, it’s your inner light that needs Devine healing!

    The dark night of the soul, began on the day that we parted, not a obstacle to take but a life choice to make, it’s what you need to heal you inside, it’s just your self love that helps you to decide.
    Unconditional love is a balance in you, accepting each other what ever you do.
    Knowing your worth and limits of self, to know it’s good or bad for your health.
    True Devine unconditional love, it gives more freedom than what you would think of, loving enough to let your love go , no judgement to them or self shall you know.

    This is just a tiny part of my thoughts, my experience on my journey of love .
    Thank you for reading ?? love & light x

    Ps .. I wish you a safe journey baby in your spiritual growth, I love you unconditionally, I love us both. I hold no judgment or explanation of you, I accept what you will, whatever you do. Love you so so much baby xxx

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