Trust is a fundamental anchor of a relationship.
It’s one of the qualities that drive a relationship forward. Without it, the relationship is a little more… complicated.
I think we all know of or have been in relationships that have ended because one party had trust issues. But having a partner who has difficulties trusting you does not mean the relationship is doomed.
Honestly, loving someone who has trust issues is not for the faint-hearted. It is difficult, but contrary to popular belief, it can be done. Both parties just have to put in a bit of extra effort to make the relationship work.
In short, trust issues refer to one’s inability or difficulties in trusting others.
They result from fear of being hurt, betrayed, abandoned or manipulated. These issues manifest in several behaviors such as:
Wondering how one develops trust issues?
Trust issues can be a result of a number of factors, including past relationships and childhood experiences.
As a result of how one was raised from childhood, they may have an anxious attachment style, making it hard for them to trust anyone. Growing up with unpredictable caregivers whose temper randomly changed can also result in one developing trust issues in relationships.
Past relationships also shape how one handles future relationships. People who have been betrayed or cheated on in past relationships can have a difficult time trusting their partners. They become very cautious with how and when they open up to you as well as how they handle the relationship in general.
It’s important to understand the reason behind your partner’s trust issues, so you know what to avoid and how to help them trust again.
Your partner’s trust issues didn’t develop overnight, so they will not go away overnight. You might have to reassure them a lot more and when they doubt you, you need to try not to take it personally. Keep their past in mind.
Their inability to trust you likely hurts them just as much as it hurts you.
If your partner has trust issues, you will notice that they have difficulties opening up to you. That is because they are hesitant as they don’t entirely trust you. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust them too.
Open up and be vulnerable to them. Talking about your personal issues and thoughts will help them realize that you trust them. In turn, their trust in you will also increase.
When dating someone with trust issues, brace yourself for many deep and meaningful conversations. When having one of those, actively listen to your partner without any judgment and interruptions.
This creates a platform for them to express how they feel, their fears, and why they have those fears. These conversations will allow you to properly understand your partner and provide them with the support they need.
Most people with trust issues need a lot of reassurance.
Constantly providing this will help them believe that they are with someone who loves them and doesn’t intend to hurt them. It will also make them notice that you realize and validate their concerns.
Your verbal assurance should also be supported by your actions and how you treat your partner.
In relationships, we often assume that we are on the same page and have the same perceptions of things.
When dating someone with trust issues, that is not the case. Because you have had different experiences, you likely view situations differently.
When they raise an issue, you have to make a conscious effort to view the concern from their perspective. They may say ‘unreasonable’ things, but once you view them from their perspective, you will understand the reason behind.
Lastly, you’re there to support, not fix them.
Because you love your partner, you might see the need to try fixing them so they become more trusting. However, resist that urge with everything in you. Be there to support and listen to them.
In an attempt to fix them you will likely invalidate their experiences. Over time and with the right conditions, they will fix themselves and open up to trusting people. If they are open to therapy, it will provide them with all they need to move on from their trust issues.
In a way, trust issues develop as some sort of defense mechanism.
They come to be as a way of protecting oneself from being hurt (again). Surely these people deserve to be loved too.
If your partner has trust issues, remember you’re not there to heal or cure them. You are there to love and support them, thereby creating an environment that allows them to cure themselves.
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