“Hey honey. How was your day?”
“Anything exciting happen?”
Have you ever tried to have conversations with your guy and this is how it goes?
You’d like him to open up and share more with you about his day, his dreams, goals, fears, and so on. However, time and time again, he’s off in his own inner world, leaving you feeling emotionally detached and neglected.
How do you get a guy to open up and share more?
How do you get him to want to emotionally connect at a deeper level?
Before we get into some practical tips on how you can get men to share more openly, let’s discuss for a moment a few differences between men and women brain-wise.
Research indicates that due to the way male vs. female brains are wired, there are some differences. For example, women tend to be better at multi-tasking, while men may be better at single tasks.
Women also tend to have better verbal abilities, which may be a legit reason why some men have a tough time opening up. It’s not you. It’s not your relationship. It’s just the way their brain has been wired.
Now couple in other factors, like parents who may ridicule little boys who are “too emotional” or share “too much”. Or society, which can subtly persuade men to think that emotional connection means they are not “real men”. Or the fact that since ancient times, men have been more of the silent type, hunters and providers.
And, some men just never learned how to connect at a deeper, more meaningful connection.
That being said, are you able to help your man open up? Are there things you can be doing that will prompt them to connect deeper emotionally?
Yes. Here are some tips that may help:
The first thing you’ll want to do that can help is accept that your man may never be as open as you. If you can accept this, you are more able to not put so much pressure on him. Let him come to you as he wants. He may surprise you and open up more over time.
You guy may have no idea you want him to open up with you more. He may think things are going along great. If you’re wanting more of an emotional connection with him, sit and have a chat with him about it. See if he’s willing to connect at a deeper level, or at least try. Let him know it means a lot to you.
If he tells you no way, well then you can either accept that or you’ll be able to make an informed decision as to whether this guy is a keeper or not. The reality is that some men just aren’t available emotionally and have no desire to be.
If you’re clingy and needy, it tends to push guys away. They sense that neediness, and rather than it bring them closer to you, it repels them. They don’t want to feel like they are solely responsible for your happiness level. And, it’s likely you haven’t put them on that pedestal. Still, they tend to have that antenna up and can feel “neediness” signals a mile away.
If your man shares something from a vulnerable space with you, simply listen and affirm. He wants to know you hear him. He wants to know that you see him and that you are a safe space for him to share. If you go on a rant or try to fix him or ridicule him, he’ll shut down and won’t bother sharing again. He wants to be able to share at a vulnerable level, and still feel like a strong, capable, successful man. Be that mirror for him.
Sometimes all it takes is you asking him open-ended questions every now and then. It may be around topics you’d really like to know about. Or, you could ask him about his favorite topics. Maybe you don’t care much about football, but he does. And, he may love to share with you how the game went Sunday. You may not understand it or care that much about the game, but pay attention to his excitement as he shares. Be that safe space for him to share with you what he loves. This makes him much more apt to share other things with you that are more important in your life.
If you’ve tried everything, there’s always the option of couple counseling. There you both will have a safe space to learn how to better communicate with each other. Hopefully your guy will be open to going. If not, you may have some soul searching to do if he continues to be unavailable emotionally for you. You can accept it or you can determine if this is a deal breaker for you if he won’t make the effort to connect with you in the ways you want and need.
Or, at least make the effort. After all, that’s what most women want. They want their guys to make the effort, just as they are doing.