How to Express Love to Your Partner in Their Love Language

By Tatenda

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Last Updated: October 11, 2022

Getting to know someone and eventually falling in love with them is a magical feeling.

Once in love, there is a need for us to constantly fall in love and remind your partner of how much you love them. 

This is where the famous love languages come into play. Most of us know the 5 love languages that are in Gary Chapman’s book, published in 1992, but not all of us know how to show love in these languages.  

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Physical touch
  • Acts of service

We typically know how we want to be loved but often do not take the time to understand how the person we are with wants to be loved.

We tend to show our partners love in a way that we think they will appreciate rather than the way they will appreciate. 

How many times have you bought your partner a gift and then felt like they do not appreciate the gift? Often that is because you would have chosen a gift you think would be perfect for you to receive from your partner. But is that what your partner also wants? 

We assume that their love language is the same as ours. Unfortunately, this results in us feeling a little unappreciated. Mainly because we won’t be loving them the way they want to be loved. 

Knowing your partner’s love language is great, but you need to go the extra mile to know how you can love them in that language, as that is the best way for them to feel loved. 

 

 

Here is How You Can Love Your Partner in Their Love Language 

1. Words of Affirmation.

If this is your partner’s love language, you need to be very patient.

Your partner knows that you love them, but they would appreciate being reminded verbally. They need you to remind them that they are special and you love them. 

Ways you can do this include: 

  • Telling them that you love them when one of you is leaving
  • Occasionally sending them loving texts throughout the day
  • Leaving them random notes that remind them that you love them
  • Occasionally calling to check in and tell them you love them

 

2. Receiving Gifts.

This language is often misunderstood and largely attributed to women.

Contrary to popular belief, these people are not materialistic, and they do not want you to spend your money on them. 

Rather, when you get them gifts, it reminds them that you were thinking about them. And to them, that confirms that you love them. 

If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, try your best to pay attention to the things they say and get them thoughtful gifts. These do not have to be expensive gifts; in most cases, it’s the little things that do the trick. 

These could be: 

  • A packet of their favorite sweets that you picked up when you were running errands
  • A cap that matches their favorite sneakers
  • A tool kit that has a tool they always lose
  • A bouquet that is not associated with any special occasion

 

3. Physical Touch.

For these people, appropriate physical touch is the way they connect with their loved one.

You need to clearly understand if your partner is comfortable with public display affection (PDA) or not. 

I’m sure you wouldn’t want your partner to feel uncomfortable, so it is essential that you understand the boundaries they have. For them, love can be:

  • Random hugs 
  • Non-sexual kisses
  • Cuddles 
  • Holding hands
  • Touching when comforting them

 

4. Acts of Service.

These people believe that actions speak louder than words. You telling them that you love them is good, but showing them that you do is more important. The selfless and thoughtful acts don’t have to be grand gestures, just the small and thoughtful ones will remind them that you love them. 

The acts could be:

  • Checking their car and making sure the water and oil are okay
  • Ironing the shirt they want to wear
  • Putting their laundry away for them 
  • Bringing them breakfast in bed

 

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5. Quality Time.

These people value spending time with their loved ones, and that is good enough for them.

If you show them love in any of the above languages, they will most likely not turn you down, but spending time makes them feel most loved.

Quality time is different for each person so it is important to understand exactly what makes your partner happy. For some it could be time engaging with each other, for some, it could be being in the same space while you both do your thing separately. 

For these people love could be:

  • Finishing off the day early so you can cook together
  • Movie dates 
  • Having undistracted conversations in person

 

 

Knowing Your Partner’s Love Language Can And Will Improve Your Relationship

Once you know your partner’s love language, it becomes easier for you to love them and feel appreciated. It will bring you closer and help you fall in love with each other every day. 

Often people have more than one preferred love language and that gives us more options on how to express love and be affectionate.

You will not automatically know how your partner wants to be loved, so it will take a bit of time and communication as well as some trial and errors. 

Be patient with yourself and your partner and take each day as a chance to know yourself and them more. 

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

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9 comments on “How to Express Love to Your Partner in Their Love Language”

  1. Dear Tatenda, in case you are the "Words of affirmation"-preferring type, I'd like to say: Helpful article, this. I'll keep it in mind :-). So thank you!

    1. We're so happy you enjoyed it Janece! Love languages can be so helpful when it comes to communication and how you see your partner. 🙂

  2. This article has really helped me alot i now know how to relate with my partner when it comes to love. But i have some worries. You see i have hurt him so much in the past and it has caused our separation. We have a 9months old baby and our separation has affected me and the baby negatively. Right now i am doing my best so we can come back together but it seems like my best us not good enough. Atimes i get so confused. Please i need my partner back. I am nothing without him. Can you help with tips on how to win him back? I really need them please.

    1. Hello Mbi, we are happy the article helped you, but not that you are struggling in your relationship. Have you looked into resources where you can speak to a professional who is trained to help folks just like you? There are online resources if that's easier for you, or if there's nothing available in your community. BetterHelp.com and TalkSpace.com offer services for both individual and couples to find support, which it sounds like you really need right now. Please take care of yourself and reach out.

  3. Hello Mbi,
    Glad the article helped you.
    I came across Love Languages over a decade ago and it helped me as well not only in my personal relationships but also professionally as a counsellor/psychotherapist
    Having a new baby is challenging as our focus changes, more responsibilities and also what support is available during this period of as you say confusion and embracing another role-
    There are many free resources/ on eventbrite to participate in group that our led by relationship trained therapists.
    i hope this helps and please be compassionate towards yourself and do lil things that fill you with joy... Best wishes

  4. YOU ARE ALWAYS, ALWAYS SOMETHING, -- AND YOUR CHILD --FROM BIRTH TO DEATH, CHILDREN OF THE COSMOS, EQUAL TO ALL. NEVER , EVER ALLOW ANYONE TO SUGGEST OTHERWISE, AND NOT FOR EVEN A MICROSECOND EVER ENTERTAIN SUCH A NEGATIVE OPINION!! KEEP UP ON THE SUGGESTIONS MADE AND BE PATIENT. OFTEN THINGS TAKE A BIT OF TIME. BON COURGE!!!

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