How You Can Use Your Love Language to Love Yourself

By Tatenda


Last Updated: October 26, 2022

During the early, sharing everything stages, most of us tell the potential partner what our love language is. This is because we want them to be aware of how we want to be loved. This way, it becomes easier for them to show us love. 

Often, we know exactly what we want from our partners, and we have a list of things that we will not settle for. 

However, most of us don’t know how to show ourselves love in our love language.

But, is it fair for us to expect someone to love us in a way that we can’t or don’t know how to love ourselves?

Does that mean if we are not in a relationship we do not deserve to be loved? 

I believe that the way we show ourselves sets a prototype for others to know how to love us. 

When we try to understand love languages, it is usually in relation to another person. We seek to understand how we can best love our partners but ignore how we can love ourselves.



Here is How You Can Love Yourself in Your Love Language

Physical Touch

If this is your love language, you know you love cuddles. When your partner holds your hand or gives you a hug, you get some butterflies in your stomach. 

Since you enjoy physical stimulation, you can also show yourself the affection you deserve by: 

  • Booking a spa treatment or massage. 
  • Investing in massagers and foot spas that you can enjoy at home.
  • Wearing comfortable clothes that make you feel confident.
  • Being physically active. Depending on what you enjoy, go for a run, swim or a relaxing yoga session.
  • Having a nice steamy bath. 
  • Investing in a good body moisturizer. 


Words of Affirmation

It is nice to hear kind and encouraging words from someone.

But do you know what is better? Hearing those words from someone who will always be there for you, that is You! 

Ideally, don’t walk around talking to yourself (the world is pretty judgmental), but when at home, you are welcome to verbally give yourself those words of affirmation out loud. 

Other ‘socially acceptable’ ways of showing yourself love in this love language include:

  • Journaling
  • Practicing positive self-talk. Do your best to ignore the voice that tells you all the bad things about yourself and focus on the positive and encouraging one. When talking to or about yourself, be positive. 
  • Having a gratitude jar. Every day you write on a piece of paper what you are grateful for and then put the pieces of paper in a jar. On a day where you need that extra push, you can go and read all the notes in the jar. 
  • Write a letter to your future self. Futureme is amazing for this! 
  • Start your day with positive affirmations
  • Plaster your room or workstation with sticky notes written words of affirmation, and your favorite motivational quotes. 
  • Write down a list of your favorable traits and accomplishments. 


Acts of Service 

Since you appreciate being taken care of, you appreciate all the little things that make your life move smoother. You love the convenience that comes along with having a thoughtful partner.

 You can direct acts of service to yourself through these ways:

  • Delegate tasks. Especially those ones you hate doing or those that take you so much time to complete. 
  • Automate tasks such as monthly bills. 
  • Prepare and serve yourself healthy and tasty meals. 
  • Have things delivered to your home.
  • Get health checkups regularly.
  • Groom yourself. Get that serum and tweeze your eyebrows. Do things that make you feel good. 


Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts from other people is nice, but you know exactly what you want and the ‘perfect’ gift you deserve.

Considering how awesome and hardworking you are, I am sure we both agree that you deserve some nice gifts. 

Remember, the thought behind the gift is the important aspect and not the price tag. You can consider: 

  • Booking yourself a weekend away.
  • Buying yourself flowers.
  • Buying yourself a beautiful, quirky coffee mug that will make you smile every time you use it. 
  • Invest in yourself by advancing your education and skills. 
  • Do something on your bucket list.
  • Take yourself to your favorite spot for lunch. 
  • Only buy things you actually want. Ditch the peer pressure. 


Quality Time

These people enjoy having someone fully present.

If you value undistracted time with your partner, you will most likely also appreciate these acts which allow you to give yourself the full attention you deserve. 

  • Meditating.
  • Going for walks.
  • Talk to yourself.
  • Enjoying a nice glass of wine.
  • Having solo movie dates.
  • Getting sufficient sleep.
  • Watching the sunset or sunrise.



You Deserve to Love Yourself Just Like You Love Others

You can not pour from an empty cup. Before you attempt to love the next person, you need to master the art of loving yourself. 

This can be awkward and difficult at first because we live in a  society that puts so much emphasis on loving others more than loving ourselves. But, the more you try it, the better you become at it!

You don’t need to ask for permission; you can literally do anything that makes you happy (as long as it does not infringe on the next person).

The world can make you feel neglected and invisible, but you have you to love yourself. 

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio


12 comments on “How You Can Use Your Love Language to Love Yourself”

  1. I love your website, this was truly one of the best articles ever. Thank you so much, I am saving these words as a reminder of these truths.

    1. Wonderful Opal! Thank you for the support, we are so happy this resonated with you. Take care 🙂

  2. Thank you for posting this article! I am in a difficult situation in my life and am trying to love myself more-this article is a reminder on how to do that.

    1. We are wishing you lots of luck with whatever you are going through Moni. Hopefully this helps you in some way - you will get through this! 🙂

    1. Great to hear Ahuva, you should absolutely be kinder to your mind and yourself!! Love to hear it - take care! 🙂

  3. Thanks for the wonderful reminders. They represent the reality ewhich people many times forget. Thanks again.

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