The world of dating can be tricky.
Most of us have heard horror stories of someone who got into a relationship with someone who could be labeled a narcissist. If you're in the dating game, or you're in a relationship and you're wondering how you can tell if you're with a narcissist, here's an article that will help you out.
Narcissism is actually a personality disorder.
According to the Mayo Clinic, it’s where someone has “an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.”
Understand that a narcissist most likely doesn't know they are a narcissist.
And even if they suspect it, chances are they don’t care and don’t want help. So, if perhaps you have gotten entangled in the narcissist’s web, it's best if you're prepared before you try to contend with addressing it or getting out.
Confronting someone about their narcissism usually does not go very well.
Keep in mind lots of people throw the term “narcissist” around. Maybe they’re with someone who is immature, selfish, or mean, so they give them the label. Just because someone acts selfish or lacks sensitivity doesn’t mean they could be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
The only clear way to know is to have them evaluated by a mental health professional.
The following are some signs that you are indeed dating someone who may have some narcissistic tendencies:
A narcissist has a really tough time offering an apology, mainly because they don’t think they are ever wrong. To admit they were wrong would make them feel awful about themselves, so it’s really tough for them to do.
A narcissist loves attention and needs their ego stroked much of the time.
Some say they're like emotional vampires because they don't have the self-love deep down that they need in order to feel good about themselves. It might seem like they love themselves, because they're quite selfish and egotistical, but really, they need their ego stroked to feel good about themselves.
As we said before, a narcissist would rarely admit that they are wrong, so they're really good at making others wrong.
They've got a fragile psyche because they have never dealt with their childhood wounds. They have this inflated ego and that makes it really tough for them to hear you when you go to them with an issue.
Most of the time they'll take whatever it is you're saying and somehow turn it around to make you the one who's wrong. That’s called gaslighting.
You probably won't pick up on this for a while, but a narcissist is a master manipulator.
They need to control, and at the very root of that need to control is this petrifying fear of being abandoned. They’ll manipulate conversations and situations to make you feel like you're wrong, because if you feel like you're wrong, you're less likely to leave them.
We've already mentioned how egotistical narcissists are.
They’re vain, they're full of themselves, and they think they're God's gift to the Earth. They believe that others put them on pedestals, and they put themselves there too.
Sometimes it can come across as simply being confident, but the real test comes out when they're not getting the praise or attention that they think they deserve. Then, they can become angry and begin a whole host of behaviors that are hurtful.
It's not unlikely for a narcissist to emotionally or verbally abuse their partners.
That could be belittling you when you're out with friends, sending you ugly texts when they don’t get their way, giving you the silent treatment because you didn't do or say what they thought you should, playing mind games with you, and so on. And just so you know, none of this is ever okay.
Chances are you want to emotionally connect with your partner, but a narcissist is unable to emotionally connect with you.
You may go to them for emotional support or just to connect at a deeper level, and you'll be met with aloofness and perhaps coldness. Their waters will never run deep, and chances are they will never really listen to you.
They’ll tell you that you talk too much, or they'll tell you to go to your friends to discuss your issues. They have very little tolerance for trying to be a support to you as you navigate life.
The narcissist will not want to put up with any drama from you.
If they want to create some drama, fine. But let's say you have an awful day at work, or someone treats you poorly. You go to them for support, and they just don’t want to hear it.
They might tell you you're acting like a baby and just grow up and get over It. They lack empathy and will be challenged when it comes to giving you any emotional support.
This is not an exclusive list of narcissistic characteristics, but I think that you're getting the idea.
If so, know that you're not alone.
It will serve you well to continue learning about narcissistic behavior, but also codependent behavior. You can begin a journey toward working on your own self and becoming stronger in and of yourself. Here’s a great article that can help you if you feel like you want to leave this type of person:
If you need help, please reach out to a qualified therapist.