The 5 Love Languages & How They Can Help You Have a Healthier Relationship

By Krista

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Last Updated: December 17, 2021

Feeling appreciated and loved is essential for a healthy relationship.

However, it’s all about showing your partner love and appreciation in the way they need. And this is exactly where the 5 love languages come into play.

Most of us want our loved ones to know we care. Yet, love often gets lost in translation. You might show your partner time and time again how much your care, but they aren’t exactly picking up what you’re putting down. The fix? You need to speak to their love language! 

In this article, we’re going to examine the 5 love languages, and even help you find your love language. How can you have a healthier and happier relationship? Let’s get you and your partner speaking each others’ language!

 

Five Love Languages Summary

Dr Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages book series, stated,

“We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it is not his/her primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us.”

Speaking your partner’s love language can help you give each other what you need, as well as help each other deepen the bond you already clearly have. Yet, to do so, you need to know what each others’ love languages are! So, without further delay, here are the five love languages.

1. Words of Affirmation

The words of affirmation love language is showing love through the verbal spoken word, such as praising your partner or telling them how much you love and adore them. 

In fact, this is one of the most common love languages. While verbal praises or compliments are common ways to express this love language, they aren’t the only ones. A small and unexpected love note detailing your feelings also goes a long way.

Individuals whose love language is words of affirmation tend to tune into the sensitivities of others and know exactly what to say to help another person feel better. As such, they are significantly attuned to others, including their partner, doing the same for them.

2. Quality Time

Individuals who recognize quality time as one of their primary love languages feel love and appreciation when their partner spends quality time with them, meaning they have your undivided attention. This means eye contact and active listening!

If this sounds like you or your partner, try to be more present with one another. This might mean turning off the T.V. or putting your phones away so that you can truly connect with one another through meaningful conversations.

Related Article: Mindful Listening: What Is It & How to Do It

3. Physical Touch

This one almost needs no explanation. Individuals whose love language is physical touch feel most loved and appreciated through physical signs of affection, such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, massages, and sex.

4. Acts of Service

With acts of service, an individual feels love and affection when the other person does something nice for them or goes out of their way for them.

Some examples include doing the dishes or making dinner, especially when they’ve known you’ve had a rough day at work, putting gas in the car, getting that errand done for them, or vacuuming.

It’s that whole concept that your actions speak louder than your words. You are literally showing the other person how much you care by doing things for them.

5. Receiving Gifts

Gifts have always symbolized love and affection. And it’s not just about the item itself. It’s also about the care, thought, and effort put into it.

It shows you’ve been thinking about them, even when they aren’t physically around. The main thing here is to ensure you get a gift that is meaningful to the other person, and not just to you.

Related Article: 6 Helpful Ways To Handle Couple Conflict In Your Relationship

 

Find Your Love Language

By now, maybe you’re thinking, “I am still really unsure what my love language is.” The truth is that most people are a combination of all of the above. However, there’s usually one or two that are significantly stronger than the others.

Some questions you might want to consider to determine which ones matter more for you include do you feel more loved and appreciated when:

  • Your loved one praises or compliments you?
  • Your loved one brings you gifts showing you they care?
  • Your loved one takes care of dinner, laundry, or other chores and errands for you?
  • Your loved one gives you hugs and cuddles?
  • Your loved one commits to a whole day of just being present with you (such as a weekend a day trip)?

Alternatively, there are also 5 love languages quizzes online that can help you nail down which love language is most important to you or your partner.

If you’re in a relationship, you should both take the time to do the quiz, then take some time to review each others’ results and how you could better give each other what you need.

 

How the 5 Love Languages Can Improve Your Relationship

The way we express and receive love can, inevitably, differ from others, even those that we are madly in love with.

Yet, this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re incompatible. It usually means you need to understand each other more, and the love languages can help you do just that.

The 5 love languages foster empathy, selflessness, intimacy, and growth in a relationship. It allows each individual to feel appreciated for who they are at that given moment. After all, most of us want to find belonging and feel accepted.

Additionally, the love languages can help you communicate your love better. As you might already know, communication is key in any relationship. The 5 love languages can open the doors for healthy communication, helping you understand each other better and connect even more deeply.

Read Next: What is a Conscious Relationship?

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

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9 comments on “The 5 Love Languages & How They Can Help You Have a Healthier Relationship”

  1. sadly, these only apply to those who are good enough to find love. they do not really matter in the least for those of us who are far too physically unattractive to experience romantic connections so are forced to a lifetime of being single, alone & unwanted.

    1. ahimsa42, we are ALL worthy of love. Physical attraction is certainly a factor in catching the attention of others, but that's not what makes a long-lasting, loving relationship. We urge you to start a journey of self-love. Because, as many of your other lovely readers has said, you need to love yourself before someone else can love you. Believe you are worthy. A good person, with confidence in your own interests and decisions. We wish you luck on your personal development journey.

  2. To ahimsa42,
    When I read your comment, I wanted to reach out to you. The 5 love languages can be used to make all your relationships better. Relationships with you family and friends can all improve once you figure out what their primary love language is. It makes me sad to hear that you don’t think you are physically attractive enough to find love. Everyone deserves happiness no matter what their appearance is. Beautiful comes from the inside. Before you can find love, you have to love yourself first. It doesn’t sound like you are being kind to yourself and loving who you are. Self care is so important. Positive affirmations help too. Thoughts become things so choose wisely what you think. So if YOU think that you are unattractive the universe will also.think that and you will be lonely. But, if YOU think you are attractive so will the universe and good things will follow. Work on being kind to yourself. I hope this helps. Love to you.

  3. No, it’s your attitude towards yourself and the excuses you are making for why YOU can not find love.
    From what I gather, you are battling some heavy insecurity and will hinder you finding a partner due to several things needed such as loving yourself and being comfortable with yourself without caring what others think.
    No one will love you if you do not love yourself.

  4. Only by the self who's perspection of self is defined by been physicslly unattractive. Because you're not. Just hear it from me .You’re attractive just the way you are. Sending you love and Light.

  5. I choose to believe we are each uniquely beautiful & NO one is destined to despair/loneliness.. I also practice that belief consistently…as within so without!!
    I send Love to meet you in your darkness💗

  6. Hi ahimsa42. I hope you don’t mind me saying, someone was created just for you. I have seen some of the most unmatched couples, at least in my small world at that time, they appeared to be unmatched. True love comes from the inside, the personality, the wit, the sound of the voice…. There are so many qualities one may have, that attracts another and you’d be surprised of what beauty is, in the eye of the beholder. Do not count yourself out, someone will love you just the way you are. I have seen people that have been disfigured and at first glance, one may turn away- yet they find love and someone loves every scar on their body. It doesn’t matter if you’re overweight, too short or tall, what complexion you are, how smart you are, not even if you’re black, white, Asian etc… someone is out there looking for you- and you alone. In closing, let me say that good looking people are lonely and looking for love too, you’re not alone. You must become the person you want to be and set your sights on attracting what you want- Manifestation is a powerful thing. Wishing you much success in all that you do. ~Elle

  7. Dear Ahimsa42,
    Perhaps you have never felt the love you are longing for, perhaps you have experienced rejection based on your looks, perhaps you feel hopeless in a world of happy couple and have given up on yourself. I would lije to share eith you that my dear mother felt all this when my abusive father left her after 40 years of her faithful loving him. He let her know she was old and ugly and fat and he was embarrassed of her. She took it to heart. She lived small and lonely, embarrassed to be with people. She believed the cruel words and became old and ugly from them. She died a few years later broken. It wasn't so much his cruelty, but her internalizing them as truths. They were not truths. Infact there was a widower that she had known many years who was waiting for her to finish grieving the marriage before he approached her. Sadly we found out at her funeral. Life is short. Please, be kind to yourself. Do not let anyone tell you who you are. You are a beauty made from masterful hands. However you look is how you are suppose to look, you come from a long line if others that share your unique physical traits. Embrace that heritage, it is special. You are special. Live your life not needing someone to complete you. Live your life with confidence and pride, your love for yourself will bring others to want to know what makes you so special. One day the right person will come. No matter what physical issues you feel limit you,know that when you find the right love, none of that will matter, anyone that made you feel kess than.. well they were not for you. Anyone who doesn't love you for you does not deserve you.
    There is no shame in seeking professional help. A therapist, counsellor etc can help you built your self love and confidence, and a pet can help with the human necessity to hug and hold. Even if you don't want to own one you can volunteer at a shelter just to cuddle them.

  8. Think of a bag of pennies. They all have the same worth whether they were made in 1960, 1999,or 2021. We were all made in the image of God. Adam fell that men might be. Men are that they might have joy. Joy is a choice. Choose joy💟💟💟💟💟💟💟

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