Many people get into relationships to fulfill their own wants and needs. This all works great for a while, but eventually rifts of turmoil begin to set in and more often than not, both partners get disillusioned and opt out of the relationship in the hopes that a new one will be better.
As more people on the planet become more conscious or awake spiritually, this model for relationships is being replaced by a more conscious model. You might call it a new paradigm so-to-speak.
Many couples on a spiritual path are coming together in relationships for the goal of personal and spiritual growth. It’s a journey. You might even call it a sacred dance.
It’s an adventure and a journey of evolution as both partners head into the relationship with the expectation to GROW and EXPAND as a result of the merging.
Many are stating that as a collective, we are being called to awaken more, becoming more conscious in our relationships.
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you’ll benefit from learning more about conscious relationships. It means you’re aware of who YOU are.
Journey into a new paradigm for relationships and remember, it is but a journey. There is no grand finale destination. Being conscious means that you stay aware and present in the moment. You’re connected at a deeper level.
Here are some of the things that cultivate a conscious relationship:
A conscious relationship requires honest and open communication. When engaging with another person, especially during conflict or contrast, can you be present and aware of the dynamics at a deeper level instead of judging? Can you hear them with your spiritual ears? See them with your spiritual eyes? If you can, you’ll be able to watch your relationships flourish, with personal and spiritual growth occurring regularly.
You may wonder how you can stay in the moment when your partner is accusing you or being mean to you. Maybe he’s cranky. Maybe she’s PMSing or projecting her wounds onto you. Maybe his inner child is afraid you will abandon him.
Well, it may help you to remember that most of the times when you encounter conflict in any relationship (friendship or intimate), only about 10% of that contrast has anything to do with the present. The other 90% has something to do with unresolved trauma or wounds from the past.
Yes, unhealed trauma can kick our butt if we let it.
Intimate relationships without intimacy tend to go south quickly. Sure, the beginning of a relationship is usually marked with lots of intense emotion, passion, and sometimes even lust. However, as time goes by, some of that dwindles. The love chemicals wane and if you’re not willing to cultivate the real-deal-deep intimacy, chances are your relationship will be dull and maybe even lifeless.
To cultivate intimacy, you’ll need to embrace authenticity and vulnerability. Get real and raw. This requires you to be awake and living in the present moment. This means putting it all out there on the table. No lies. No masks. Just you being you, flaws, past, unhealed wounds, and all.
I had a friend come to me in tears recently, a wreck due to her partner lying to her about something pretty serious. In her venting session, she got pretty real and raw with herself, stating that she wasn’t in love, she was living a façade, and she was very tired of it. Her soul was essentially dying in a relationship plagued by ego, ego, and more ego.
Yet, at the end of the day, she went back to her partner and swept it under the rug once again. I love her unconditionally for sure, as there is no judgment on my part. I do know that she will face more of the same contrast in the relationship down the road, because when you sweep things under the carpet and do not allow your real self to be present in life, it comes back to bite you later. Yet, the biting doesn’t have to be viewed negatively; it’s can be a springboard for healing and growth. I mean, relationships are our opportunity to HEAL and GROW!
Want to cultivate deep intimacy? See others without judgment. See all of them, and pour out your love all over them. After all, we all want to be discovered, explored, and adored fully.
To be present in a relationship means to be in it without judgments. Without expectations. You want to be with them, get to know them, listen to them, and hold a sacred and safe space for them to just “be”, flawed and all.
If you’re having a conversation and all you are doing is thinking about what you can say next or about other things, you’re not consciously listening. Can you really hold a space to listen intently to your partner? Even when she is complaining? Hurt? Angry? Irrational?
We talk a lot about making commitments to each other in a relationship, and that’s fine, but what about a commitment to yourself first? Can you commit to being conscious in your own life? Are you awake? Are you paying attention to the present moments and seeking opportunities for your growth? (As opposed to blaming, playing the victim, ignoring, numbing, running, etc.)
Conscious self-care is important. If you’re not consciously taking care of YOU, you’ll be subpar when it comes to flourishing in a conscious relationship. How are you doing when it comes to self-love? Do you love yourself? Do you honor yourself? Are you aware of your own needs and wants and if so, can you provide the majority of these on your own?
A solid intimate connection is influenced when you have a solid commitment to yourself. It makes for a firm foundation. You’ve heard things like, “He completes me”, indicating that a half person and another half person make up the whole.
Conscious relationships are two whole persons coming together for an interdependent relationship. Both add to each other, but are not necessarily dependent upon each other in an unhealthy way.
If you’re in a conscious relationship, understanding that your partner is your greatest asset to healing old, unresolved trauma or wounds will help your relationship tremendously. Let’s face it: We all have some unresolved wounds from the past. We all deal with things like the fear of abandonment, rejection, shame, and other negative feelings and these certainly surface when we’re in a relationship. Yes, triggers occur for sure no matter how much ease and flow you want to occur in your relationship.
This is why it is so important to be present and conscious with each other. Remember that tough emotions may be your wounded inner child seeking unconditional love, so they can feel safe and get free. It’s a time for both of you to “own our stuff” as many say, keeping your own side of the street clean.
Lastly, conscious relationships allow you a venue to radiate and practice authentic love. Do we always feel like loving our partner? How about when they are acting irrational? Grouchy? Or when they go through a period of depression? Do we offer them love or judgment?
You can practice unconditional love in a conscious relationship no matter what’s going on. Practicing love means showing up for your partner even when you don’t really feel like it. Even when they are being a royal pain in the arse! If you’re on the consciousness journey, both of you will really embrace love and commit to loving even when it’s challenging.
Love is a practice, so practice!
This is the time that you can really experience a deep love and communion. Do the sacred dance. It’s not in the happy, adventurous times that you’ll be growing and healing a lot. It’s in the contrast, the conflict, and the arguments.
It very well could be that the primary purpose of relationships is to wake up, evolve, heal, and grow.
Relationships are not just for convenience, sex, or financial safety. They’re a platform for continued expansion and growth while here on the planet.
This certainly benefits you and your partner, but it also benefits humanity.