Why Letting Go of Toxic People Will Keep You Sane

By Reniel

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Last Updated: June 24, 2021

Having toxic people around you (even if it’s just one person) can feel like re-experiencing your worst day over and over again. It’s like getting stuck in a horrible Déjà vu – with no obvious way to escape.

And, in case you don’t know what being around a toxic person feels like, it is finding yourself in a situation where you are constantly being

  • Lied to
  • Get fed excuses
  • Cheated on
  • Envied
  • Blamed
  • Abused (verbally, or physically)
  • Misunderstood
  • Neglected, or
  • Drained of all forms of happiness and satisfaction

But that’s not all. Toxic people don’t just poison your life, they also make it difficult to realize this. They make it look like there was a remedy to the problems and misunderstandings – as though doing more would change anything.

They make you feel like you need to spend more time with them, give them more money, lavish them with praises, and basically attend to all their whims. But what do you get in return? The opposite. You keep getting blamed for all the problems in the relationship (including things that are obviously out of your control, or that are clearly their fault).

The problem is not that toxic people are “evil” but that they do not act logically. Their actions, words, and entire world is skewed in such a way that everything they do would have some subtle way of making you feel inadequate or worse…if not in the present, in the near future.

They often keep the drama away till they get you to commit – i.e. till you get physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally invested in them. It even gets worse when you share a child with them.  

For example, an unsuspecting individual might meet a seemingly sweet and caring person, who would make them feel special and understood, only to begin dating (or get married) to realize just how self-centered and irresponsible they can be. 

Surprisingly, toxic people make you feel as though you pushed yourself on them, and would trap you in conundrums which would make you feel like a horrible person if you ever wanted to leave.

This could be them filing cases against you in court (so that you can’t leave with the children) or telling you that no one would love you (because you’re a horrible person). Their aim is to dis-empower their prey, to make them feel like there was some ideal that they are not living up to, whilst in reality, it is all their sick and twisted desires. 

The truth is that toxic people are everywhere – on the streets, at work, and even in the family. And, it is near impossible not to run into one or two in the course of our lives.

And, I must admit, it is not always easy to spot them, and it is even harder to escape their influence. But you must keep your eyes peeled and your boundaries firm. 

It might hurt in the short term to actively block out such people from your life (especially when they are family) but you must realize that in the long term it would benefit your mental health and quality of life in general.

 

Benefits of Ending a Toxic Relationship

Once you spot a toxic person in your life, cut them off, limit your interaction with them, or set strong boundaries in your relationships. When do you do this, you would realize that:

  • You would be free from the need to please them. You don’t have to endure that nagging feeling of wanting to do more for them in order to make them happy and feel the need to live up to their expectations
  • You will no longer feel the need to explain yourself all the time (to someone who is bent on making you look bad, and doesn’t care much about your happiness)
  • You would be free from the need to shoulder their problems (which never seem to end)
  • Your fear of not offending them (or embarrassing, intimidating, or making them feel less) will disappear as you begin to live unapologetically
  • You would be free from the constant abuse and neglect
  • Your mental health would greatly improve as the emotional baggage (anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, sadness, etc.) that comes with being in such unhealthy relationships are lifted
  • If you have kids, you would also be saving them from misery. The thing is when children watch their parents undergo physical, psychological, or sexual abuses, they tend to internalize those as the “normal”. In essence, by permitting yourself to remain in unhealthy relationships, you teach or encourage your children to create or accommodate such in their lives (when they come of age)
  • Your self-esteem and worth would be restored – as you no longer have to listen to demoralizing words all the time.
  • You would have more time to spend with nicer people and have happier moments in life
  • You would explore your interests without fear of being judged or ridiculed
  • The dramas would end and you would feel understood and sane
  • And you would stop feeling alone as better people would naturally gravitate towards you – making you feel safer and happier.

Just like a farmer weeds the farmland before planting crops, sometimes before good things can come to us, we must first uproot the bad. If you ever find yourself near a toxic person, the only mantra on your mind should be either “escape” or “enough”. 

 

Photo by Alena Darmel from Pexels

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12 comments on “Why Letting Go of Toxic People Will Keep You Sane”

  1. There are cases where you cannot walk away. For instance if toxicity comes fróm your adult child,. You never walk aay from your child however much you hurt,

  2. What about a family member who continually tries to convert me to their religion? Everything else in our relationship is good and the conversion efforts only come via email videos or books or articles sent in the mail. I have asked for this to stop, and this person agreed, but then started right up again. I have been ignoring these efforts since then, but they do feel kind of toxic. Asking this to cease does no good. I don't want to lose the friendship of this person, but they will not respect my right to my own beliefs. Is this truly a toxic person?

    1. That sounds like a tough decision CC. It sounds like they are not respecting your boundaries. Have you told them how much this feels disrespectful to you? Or have you told them that you are even considering ending your friendship because of their behavior? Sometimes you really have to spell things out carefully. Wishing you luck to figure this out.

  3. It would be nice if there were not so many bosses that were toxic plus they have their flunkies to keep an eye on you and report back to the boss on what you were doing.

    1. That sounds pretty negative Gunther. It's not easy when you have toxic people at work, especially your boss. Is there anyone else you can talk to?

  4. It could also be your teenager daughter, all the above happen all the time, and she is constantly manipulating me or threatening with suicide if I dont comply with her "needs"..

    1. You're right Giselle, anyone can be toxic. That doesn't sound healthy, can you talk to someone who can help you handle it?

  5. do you walk away from your husband of 33 plus yrs? I've dealt with his abusive comments the whole time and still. Now it's hurting my oldest grandson. What am I supposed to do?

    1. We're so sorry to hear about your situation Melody. We can't answer that question for you, but it sounds like you need to talk to someone about this. Do you have other family you can reach out to? Have you tried talking to a therapist or counselor? These are the professionals who can help you decide what you need to do to make sure you and your grandson and physically and emotionally safe and healthy. CrisisTextLine and BetterHelp might be good options for you to look into and see what you need to do next if you choose to.

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