Why Self Growth Needs a Little More Patience and Kindness

By Reniel

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Last Updated: September 14, 2021

It is the information age.

The only problem is the information everyone seems to get these days is that every other person is living a better life than they are.

  • They see the news about the kid who made millions posting funny videos on social media
  • A business woman who bought herself a brand-new Lamborghini
  • The newest couples, the freshest star in the industry, etc.

It never ceases.

A hyper-optimized flood of information makes us see the extremes of everything. They make everything (including trivial matters) seem like a life or death situation – mounting pressure on us.

 

Feeling the Pressure?

It doesn’t end there; since this skewed information is so widely dispersed, we find that everyone around us also reinforces that pressure.

Everything sums up to give us the impression that we are being left behind. We are lagging. That our lives are somehow worse. We must be doing something wrong, or not doing enough, and we need to respond quickly and drastically. 

How do we respond?

By cranking up the demands we place on ourselves:

  • we add more tasks to the schedule
  • limit time with friends and family
  • multitask
  • double-book
  • optimize
  • add hairsplitting deadlines

No time must be spared. We must work – hustle, hustle, hustle – till we achieve that grand goal, as quickly as possible. 

Read this next: Self-Care Plan: Why You Need One & How to Create Your Own

 

The Survivorship Bias

We want it now, we want to do it now, because, it seems, every other person has already done it, is about to do it. What we don’t seem to factor in is the survivorship bias.

Survivorship bias or survival bias is the logical error of concentrating on the people or things that made it past some selection process and overlooking those that did not, typically because of their lack of visibility. This can lead to some false conclusions in several different ways. - Wikipedia

For every successful person we see, there are a whole lot more other people who tried (to do what they did), but failed. 

Even amongst the success stories, there are still those who we are doing a whole lot better than...at least when you factor in the age (or stage) we are in. 

Society seems to have relegated the virtue of patience to the backburner. Seldom are you advised to be patient - to wait for your turn... to wait for your season...to go at your own pace...to achieve your own success. But there's a reason for this saying...

Patience is a conquering virtue. - Geoffrey Chaucer

 

Why You Should Be Patient With Yourself

Consider that in nature everything takes its time to blossom.

A seed planted today may remain buried for days, and sometimes weeks before sprouting. Then they take even longer to grow, mature, and yield harvest. This is the same with all other living things – birds, cattle, fishes, and humans.

Yes, humans too are part of nature. But we seem to forget. We treat ourselves like machines – and like machines, we begin to wear and tear. 

No matter how great the talent or efforts, some things just take time. You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant. - Warren Buffet

Good things take time, and the best things in life happen at their own time.

Consider the Sun and the Moon. They can both glow in splendor, lighting up the skies, yet they “know” when to wait for the other to shine. There is no outshining each other; they simply wait for their turn! Our lives aren’t much different. We all have our times and seasons.

A lot of people believe in overnight success. But this too is short-sighted. Most overnight successes are actually the result of years of hard work and commitment. 

Your Time Will Come

Just like nocturnal animals wait till night time before they emerge; sometimes we need to wait till it is our time to emerge – a time when no other person can challenge.

It may be that you prefer working at night, rather than rushing through hectic days. On the other hand, it might be that the technology, market, or trend that would make you excel isn’t yet available. It may also be that you are just not ready, yet. And that is okay.

We chase inordinate ambitions, hold ourselves to unrealistic standards, beat ourselves up for failing, and torture ourselves by obsessing about those who, in their time, succeeded.

The sad thing about all these is that, even when we manage to achieve our dream (i.e. when our time finally comes), we quickly forget about it, and start obsessing about a new dream.

Stop - and Remind Yourself What is Really Important

It takes a lot of self-awareness to be able to catch yourself doing this. To realize that there would never be an end to this chase. There will always be a bigger, better dream to chase. You aren't really chasing anything, you are simply obsessed with chasing. 

That is why the best thing you can do for yourself is to always be reminded of what is important. You must ask yourself, what is it that you need to live a good life?

What is Important to You?

Ensure that your response to the question isn’t another attempt to chase something, but a genuine understanding of what your values are. What would it take to do that? Once you are clear on that, you can call this your big picture.

To someone, this big picture might be:

  • Finishing college
  • Starting and running a profitable business
  • Settling down with the love of their life
  • Having kids
  • Contributing to a course they strongly believe in

To you it might be different, nevertheless, it is important.

 

Get Clear on Your Bigger Picture! 

Clarifying your big picture has many benefits, one of which is that it helps you to know what is important, what you should be grateful for, and it also helps you put things in perspective so you don’t get lost in the chase. 

Always remember to be patient with yourself.

Just hang in there and never give up. Your time will come and the break you’ve been waiting for will arrive. Enjoy the journey, enjoy where you are right now and one day everything you’ve worked hard for will eventually pay off.     

Photo by Max Andrey from Pexels

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2 comments on “Why Self Growth Needs a Little More Patience and Kindness”

  1. Thank you for your blog. I am grateful for all your heartfelt free motivation. What you say is so very true and somehow we forget but being reminded of it daily makes a huge difference. So basically you are improving the world and that’s so great. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. And as a mother this flows on to my children and whoever’s lives I touch. Have a fantastic day

  2. Our Stomach is a magic box. Eat less but healthy food. Green vegetables and fruits and dry fruits. Exercise daily for 40 min of your choice and walking daily for 30 min. Keep your words deeds thoughts under Divine wisdom. Be Good Do Good. Be Kind and spread kindness.

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