Wondering If They're Actually Into You? 6 Insightful Tips to Find Out

By Dominica


Last Updated: December 7, 2021

Being in a relationship with someone who is totally into you is one of the most wonderful things you can experience.

I think we can all agree that the honeymoon phase is the best, no matter how long it lasts. Whether you’ve been seeing them for a week or a year, they’re on your mind almost all the time, and you are on their mind too.

You spend quite a bit of time together, sharing a sense of passion and excitement that simply feels amazing.

  • But do you ever wonder if your new boo is truly into you?
  • Do you wonder if they’ve simply fallen in love with love?
  • Or are you just a “filler”?
  • Are they just busying time until someone else comes along that is a better match?  

Much of the time, we have to take our partner’s word for it that they are totally into us. Even when insecurity arises, we must be willing to look within to see where that anxiety is arising from – us or them.

If you’re wondering if your new guy or gal is really into you, or they’re just going through the motions, the following are some key things to help you get a clearer picture.


6 Questions to Gauge If They Are Really Into You

1. Are They Only Around for the Good Times?

Is your partner only around during the fun, flirtatious, easy-breezy times of the relationship? Or do they disappear if you’re going through a tough time? If your partner is seriously committed and into you, they’ll stick around when the going gets tough too.

They’ll be able to show up and support you when you most need the support, even if they’re not that great at it.

In other words, they try to be there for you, even if they’re uncomfortable or just not that good at lending an ear or being present. The fact that they try matters.

Think back. Does your partner tune into you when you’re talking about a serious matter or stress you’re having at home or work? Do they tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic if you’re struggling with something? Or does your partner only come around when you’re happy and carefree?

It’s something to think about.

2. Do They Love To Be With You Out And About?

Someone who is truly into you will enjoy being out and about with you. They’ll want you to be in the community with them or hang out with their friends and family sometimes.

When was the last time you enjoyed a community event together? Have you met your partner’s friends, family members or even coworkers?

If you’ve never, or it’s been a while, invite your partner to go out with your friends and see how they react to the invitation. If squeamish, be honest about the matter. Ask them why they never want to be seen out and about with you.

Do a little digging and let them know it means a lot to you to feel a part of their community life.

3. Does Your Partner Compliment You?

When you’re truly into someone, you tend to want to compliment them from time to time. Granted, not everyone is great at dishing out compliments. However, a simple, “You look great,” or “I appreciate you,” shouldn’t be that challenging.

If you enjoy compliments, let your partner know. Tell them you’d appreciate a compliment every so often. There are plenty of ways they can compliment you, such as:

  • Wow, you look amazing.
  • This is a fantastic dinner.
  • Thank you for all you do around here.
  • I’m proud of you.
  • I adore you.
  • Your eyes are gorgeous.
  • That outfit really looks great!
  • I appreciate you.

4. Are They Affectionate?

Not everyone is affectionate, but someone who is truly into you will likely make some sort of effort to show affection.

It could be as simple as a hug when they see you, or holding your hand while you’re watching television together. It could be cuddling or looking at you with that extra special look from time to time.

Pay attention to whether or not your new love is affectionate in any way, shape, or form. If they’re not, you can always ask them if this is typical for them. Some people just aren’t affectionate, and it’s best to know that ahead of time so you don’t take it personally.

You can also let them know that you enjoy affection from time to time. Be specific as to what that means for you. Not everyone knows how to be affectionate, so spell it out for them and see if they are willing to oblige. If they are truly into you, they should be willing to make some effort.

5. Do They Stay In Touch?

Life can be busy, but if someone is really into you, they will want to keep in touch from time to time. 

Does your new boo make the effort to text, call, video chat, or see you in person regularly? Or do they disappear for days or weeks at a time?

How often would you like to be in touch with your partner? Do they know this? Have a conversation about what that might look like for both of you.

If they’re truly into you, they should want to keep in touch in a way that works for them, and also validates your wants and needs.

6. Has Your Partner Brought You Into Their Social Circle?

Meeting friends (especially if your partner has a big social network) should happen at some point in your relationship. Has this happened for you?

Ask your partner questions about their friends. Let them know that you’d love to meet them at some point and then encourage them to set something up. If they keep putting you off, ask them why. It could mean that they’re not really into you.

How healthy is your relationship? 5 Signs Your Relationship is Healthy and Happy


Are You Really Into Me?

You can always just ask your new partner just how into you they truly are.

You may or may not get the truth, but you can oftentimes gauge this by their reaction. If they become rude or coarse, that’s a red flag. It’s alright to ask this question, especially at the beginning of a relationship. 

Have a mature, open conversation about the topic. Be sure that you’re on the same page before opening up your heart fully. Keep in mind it may take time for some people to get on the same page. However, if you’re feeling like your new partner just isn’t feeling the same as you, bring it up.

After all, you deserve someone who is into you just as much as you’re into them.

Photo by nextbike from Pexels


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