Dealing With Heartache? 5 Unusual Tips to Help You Begin to Heal

Dealing with heartache can feel horrible. 

Grieving the loss of a relationship can certainly send you spiraling - feeling so much pain, confusion, and disappointment.

Most of us can relate to heartache. Life throws all sorts of things our way that cause us to feel pain. And, it’s easy to get stuck there for a while, especially if you’re dealing with the loss of a relationship or loved one.

This article is more for those who are grieving the end of an intimate relationship. Whether that relationship was short or long-term, the reality is that you’re heartbroken. The pain you feel is very real. It digs deep.

• You wonder how long you’re going to have to feel this way.
• Your nerves are a mess.
• You can barely eat.
• Sometimes it feels hard to even catch a breath.

I wish I had an exact answer for you. However, the time frame for healing a broken heart varies from person to person, as there are many factors that contribute to that timeframe.

Regardless of the circumstances around your broken heart, I’m going to share five unusual insights and tips that can help you start healing. My hope is that they will give you some encouragement as you begin healing your precious heart.

5 Unusual Tips to Help You Begin to Heal Your Heartache

1. Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain

For many people, feeling pain is the last thing they want to do. 

In fact, the first response to inner pain for many people is to repress it, escape it, numb it, and so on. I understand that feeling the pain of an ended relationship can feel huge. It can feel unbearable.

So, if you’re not wanting to feel that kind of severe pain, you’re not alone.

However, to start healing any type of inner pain, you have to allow yourself to actually feel it – at least temporarily.

Try not to push your feelings down. Give yourself permission to feel the grief, sadness, anger, fear, etc. – even if you have to do it in ten-minute intervals.

Chances are you have to go to work, take care of the children, etc. You can do your best to switch your feelings off as you attend to those things, but do allow yourself time to feel your feelings completely at various times throughout the day.

• Take a bathroom break and feel it. 
• Go for a walk and just let it course through you.
• Allow yourself to feel it as you sit quietly every evening.
• Notice where you feel it in your body.

The first step to healing a broken heart is feeling. The second step is to express the emotions.

2. Express the Emotions

Feeling the inner pain is one thing, but expressing your emotions in a healthy way is another.

To continue healing your broken heart, allow yourself to express the pain in ways that resonate with you.

For example, if you feel like crying, cry.  Let the emotions out. This goes for women and men. We live in a society where many people think that men shouldn’t cry, but that’s not good advice. Crying is a healthy release of emotional pain, and can help you heal.

Give yourself permission to cry, every day if you feel like it.

If you’re feeling angry, feel it and express it. Just don’t call up your ex or show up at their workplace and scream at them. Don’t text them cruel words.

What you can do is yell and scream in a space that won’t freak anyone out.

• Go into nature or somewhere in your home.
• Punch your pillow.
• Call up your most trusted friend (or counselor) and tell them you just need a safe space to get your anger out.
• Ask them to hold that space for you.

Emotions are energy in motion. If you’re feeling painful feelings, allow that energy to move THROUGH you in a way that works for you.

Journaling is another way to get that energy moving too. Get it all out on paper.

3. Remind Yourself That This is a Time for Lessons

Yes, the end of relationships can be so tough, but they can help us learn many valuable lessons about ourselves and others.

Inner pain can be a springboard for growth. 

• Are there lessons you can learn from this relationship?
• Lessons about yourself?
• Others?
• Relationships in general?

Rather than just point fingers at your ex, think about what valuable lessons you can learn from this relationship. 

• What were your main triggers in the relationship?
• What part did you play in the breakup?
• Can you believe that there is opportunity for growth in all of this?

4. Remember Who You Were as a Child

It’s easy to lose ourselves in a relationship. 

Then, when a breakup happens, we have little idea of who we are outside of that relationship. It can feel very scary.

Try to remember who you were as a child before you got into any new romantic entanglements. 

Remember your spontaneity, laughter, simplicity, innocence, energy, etc.

Try to visualize your younger self playing alone and with others. Feel those feelings again.

• Doesn’t it feel good?
• The freedom?
• The optimism?
• The innocence?
• The playfulness?

Take time throughout your day to nurture that inner child. That part of you that doesn’t feel hurt, but rather, feels peaceful, joyful, and free.

As you continue to heal, you’ll be able to embody these happier feelings more fully. Trust the process.

5. “I Am Lovable”

When you’re dealing with heartache over a breakup, it can be easy to allow negative thoughts about yourself - enough to drive you bonkers. 

You may be dealing with thoughts like:

• I’m not good enough.
• I stink at relationships.
• No one will ever love me again.
• I’ll be alone forever.
• I’ll never let anyone in again.
• I can’t do life alone.
• The pain is too much.
• I’m a failure.
• People must think I’m an awful person.

I invite you to write down the thoughts you are thinking and evaluate them rationally and honestly.

The negative ones, scratch out.

Why? Well, first off, you are not your thoughts. Second, you (the real you) is not a list of negatives.

Rather, the “real” you is a list of positives.

So, make a list of positives today and begin with “I am lovable”.

Because you are lovable, despite what your ex or anyone else thinks. Despite your flaws, negative coping mechanisms, belief systems, etc. Sure, you may have some “issues” to work on. If that’s the case, commit to working on them.

But you are lovable just because you are uniquely you.

So, make that list of positive attributes about yourself today and read it daily. Consider this medicine for your hurting heart. As you commit to focusing on your positive qualities, you are healing. Again, trust the process.

Reach Out for Help

Lastly, if you try these tips and still find yourself reeling in inner agony, reach out for some professional help. 

Having a qualified therapist, spiritual mentor, etc. to talk with can be quite valuable. There’s absolutely no shame in acknowledging that you need some support.

You deserve to heal. I sincerely hope that you will be feeling lighter and happier soon.

Updated from Jan 10, 2023

Photo by ngoc dong le