Are You Struggling With Abandonment Issues? What it Looks Like & How You Can Get Help

If you've ever felt a pang of loneliness that seems to echo deeper than the typical sense of being alone, or if you've found yourself reacting strongly to the fear of losing someone — even if they've just gone on a brief trip — you might be dealing with abandonment issues. 

It's a term we often hear in psychiatric and mental health circles, but what does it actually mean?

And how do you know if you struggle with it?

In this article, we take a closer look at abandonment issues, what that looks like, and how you can overcome it.

Why Do I Have Abandonment Issues If I Was Never Abandoned?

Technically, abandonment issues are a type of anxiety.

It’s not a mental health disorder or a condition. Rather, they are more so reactions or feelings to situations. Uncovering why you feel this way can help you move forward and move past it.

And yes, it might seem counterintuitive to struggle with abandonment issues if you've never been physically abandoned in the literal sense.

However, abandonment issues can stem from a variety of experiences beyond the stereotypical scenarios of being left by a caregiver, parent or loved one. 

For example, emotional neglect, where your emotional needs weren't adequately met during childhood, can plant the seeds of these feelings.

Children are highly perceptive and can interpret a lack of emotional engagement as a form of abandonment, carrying these interpretations into adulthood.

Additionally, experiences of loss such as these can trigger abandonment fears:

• the death of a loved one
• going through a significant breakup
• or even moving away from a close-knit community

These events can shake the foundation of security and belonging, leading to a heightened fear of further loss. 

It's not just the physical presence of someone that wards off feelings of abandonment; it's the emotional security and stability they provide. In turn, we fear loneliness — and at its core, this is what abandonment issues often mean.

So, how can you tell if you have abandonment issues? The symptoms often tell a tale…

What Are Abandonment Issues Symptoms?

Some tell-tale signs you might be struggling with abandonment issues include:

• Anxiety or insecurities in a relationship
• Clinginess, even in undeniably unhealthy relationships
• Cycling through relationships
• Self-sabotage
• Trouble trusting others
• Needing continual reassurance
• Feeling like you want to control others
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Socially withdrawing
• Jealousy of others in a relationship
• Feeling insecure in a relationship

Persistently feeling alone or fear of being alone can also be further signs that you may be struggling. In severe cases, this can lead to extreme attachment issues. Luckily, there are things you can do to overcome it.

Related Article: Anxious Attachment in Relationships: How to Manage, Expert Tips & Strategies

How Do You Resolve Abandonment Issues?

First off, it’s important to practice patience in this process. Change takes time, and forcing things might create more resistance than anything.

So, where should you start?

1. Seek Out Professional Help

If it’s viable, a professional mental health expert can help guide you on your journey toward uncovering why you struggle with abandonment issues and what you can do about it.

Each person’s path is unique, and thus, it can help to have treatment tailored specifically to you and your situation.

Through therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), you can work through traumatic memories and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

2. Lead With Self-Compassion

We all have our own baggage. And often, those with abandonment issues tend to be harsh critics of themselves. 

Learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding can be transformative. Practicing self-compassion involves recognizing your worth, accepting your vulnerabilities, and understanding that you are not defined by your fears.

3. Understand Attachment Styles

Understanding your attachment style can offer insights into how you form and maintain relationships. Identifying patterns influenced by fear of abandonment can empower you to make conscious changes in how you relate to others.

Related Article: The 4 Attachment Styles: How Can They Affect Your Relationships?

4. Create Healthy Boundaries

Learning to set and respect boundaries is crucial in building healthy relationships. Boundaries help you communicate your needs and expectations clearly, reducing misunderstandings and fostering a sense of mutual respect.

Start by reflecting on your past experiences to identify what makes you feel safe, respected, and valued in a relationship.

Consider different types of boundaries, such as emotional, physical, time, and digital boundaries. Being clear about your limits is the first step in communicating them to others.

5. Challenge Each Negative Thought

As mentioned above, individuals with abandonment issues may struggle with self-critique. Abandonment issues can also be exacerbated by our own negative self-talk. 

So, try to identify when you do this! When you catch yourself spiraling into fear-based thoughts, challenge them.

Ask yourself if there's evidence to support these fears or if there are other, more positive outcomes possible. Likely, you’ll find tons of evidence as to how it could swing the other way.

6. Practice Relaxation & Grounding Techniques

When anxiety and fear creep in, inevitably, our thoughts can sometimes get the best of us.

Yet, having a toolkit to turn to during these times can ensure we root ourselves in reality and don’t let our thoughts take us on a ride.

Try deep breathing, meditation, focusing on the present moment, or anything else that helps relieve tension and guide you toward a state of calm.

Consider This the Beginning of Your Self-Development Journey…

Discovering you have abandonment issues doesn’t have to be a negative experience.

It can be quite positive in terms of uncovering why you do the things you do and transforming your life and your world. Consider this just the start! 

Personal development is an ongoing journey throughout life. Embrace it and love change. It’s something that is often associated with greater happiness, purpose, and overall quality of life.

Read Next: Relationship Anxiety? Here’s What You Can Do

Photo by Austin Guevara