Building Self-Confidence: 4 Ways to Help You Get Started

In the social media age, it’s safe to say that more and more of us lack self-confidence than ever before.

It’s just so easy to compare ourselves to others and only see our flaws.

It’s easy to wish for more and more and realize what you don’t have compared to others in the world. And it’s hard to feel self-assured in ourselves and our abilities.

However, it’s not impossible! Building self-confidence doesn’t have to be hard.

Whether you’re feeling your self-confidence decline due to social media usage or you’ve always had low self-confidence due to stressful life events, or overly critical figures of authority, we’ve got you.

In this article, we’re going to work on boosting our self-confidence so we can allow our skills and positive traits to truly shine—and so we can all live our very best lives on our own terms.

Why Build Self-Confidence?

Building self-confidence can help you feel self-assured in your life choices, as well as allow you to experience life to the fullest.

Self-confidence is undeniably intertwined with our belief in ourselves and our abilities. Thus, by boosting it, we feel more confident in what we bring to the table.

Increased self-confidence also allows us to experience less fear and anxiety.

It gets us out of our comfort zone and pushes us to try new things. And overall, we just feel happier and more satisfied with life and the choices we’ve made.

But then the question is… How do you build self-confidence? Well, let’s get to it.

How Do You Build Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence allows us to feel in control of our lives, which can be very protective against a wide variety of mental health disorders and conditions.

And yes, we shouldn’t feel confident in all areas of our lives (let’s also be humble!). For instance, we could be really good at a particular skill and not so great at others. This is completely okay.

Yet, having high confidence in your strengths can help drive you to learn new skills and fuel personal growth. So, here are a few ways to enhance your self-confidence and start feeling good about yourself!

1. Stop Comparing & Stay in Your Lane.

Did you know that studies show that social comparison actually impacts our behavior?

In fact, if we see others doing well, we may also strive to achieve that level of “wellness.” While this can sometimes be positive and enhance our lives, it may also take a hit at our self-confidence.

If we fail to achieve what others have, we can end up feeling “less than” and even ungrateful for the great things we do have in our lives. 

Then, there’s the fact that comparing ourselves to others increases feelings of envy. In turn, we actually feel worse about ourselves. The more envy we have, the lower self-confidence emerges. 

So, instead of looking at what others are doing, let’s stay in our own lane.

• What’s great about your life?
• What are you good at?

Write all these items that foster gratitude in your life down. Heck, you can even go the extra mile and create a list of accomplishments or gratitude-inducing items that you can look at when you feel low.

2. Start Looking After Yourself.

This doesn’t just mean ensuring you eat or get your work done at your day job.

This means taking the time to recognize that you're worth it and put effort into healthy meals, getting sunlight each day, and moving your body. There are countless studies linking healthy eating and exercise to increased confidence. 

And while you’re at it, don’t cut corners with sleep.

Sleep and confidence are linked, and if you were to track this, you’d probably notice a strong correlation.

Bad sleep? You are probably more likely to have decreased confidence and feel bad about yourself.

Good sleep? You probably have more energy which contributes to a better mood and enhances confidence.

3. Adjust the Language You Use With Yourself.

This is a tough one but entirely worthwhile for leading a happy and healthy life.

Here are a few common examples you can use:

• Instead of “I can’t,” try “I can’t yet” or “I will.”
• Instead of “It’s too hard,” try “I just have to try.”
• Instead of “I can never do anything right,” try “I learned and will improve for next time.”
• Instead of “I suck at X,” try “I have different strengths and weaknesses” or “I can practice and get better at it.”
• Instead of “I’m ugly,” “I’m not good,” etc., try talking nicely to yourself in the mirror each day. Say “I am enough.” “I am beautiful in my own way.” “I am worthy.”

Yes, it’s hard, and yes, it might feel forced at first. But practice will help! Soon, these will become second nature. 

You can also pump yourself up regarding what you are good at.

For instance, recognize your skills.

Maybe you offer a lot of empathy to others, or perhaps you are great at cooking that one dish. Whatever it may be, talk about it with yourself often and use positive language.

Related Article: 40 Confidence Affirmations to Help You Feel More Sure About Yourself

4. Set Realistic Goals.

If we set big, monstrous goals that we continue to fail to achieve, our self-confidence can take a serious hit. We feel like a failure. But perhaps the problem here isn’t us. Rather, it might be the goals we are setting. 

When setting a goal, especially a big goal, it’s important to break it down into smaller goals and use the SMART method.

Is your goal:

• Specific? - "I want to read more" is not as specific as, "I want to read 5 books this month."
• Measurable? - Same idea. How do you know when you have reached the end? "I want to walk to work 10 times this month." 
• Achievable? - Is this possible for you? Can you reasonably expect to reach this goal? "I want to run a marathon next month" is likely not achievable if you've never run before. 
• Relevant? - Why do you want to achieve this goal? Does it tie to any of your values, lifestyle choices or ambitions? Are you doing it for yourself or someone else?
• Time-bound? - How long to you expect to work towards this goal? Giving a time cap can increase focus and urgency.

This will create small and achievable steps that warrant small celebrations as you make your way toward that big goal. It also means that if you mess up, it’s not as big of a deal. You can adjust and redirect.

Plus, feelings of accomplishment can boost our self-confidence and help us feel good about ourselves and our abilities. 

Related Article: How To Have More Willpower

BONUS: Think of What You’re Good At.

If all of the above feels overwhelming, start here:

• Think of one thing you are good at.
• Write it down.
• Recognize it.

Perhaps it will help you find even more things you are skilled at (Everyone has something!).

Self Confidence: Your Way Toward a Better & Happier Life?

When we feel self-confident, it spills over into all other aspects of our lives.

Our relationships improve. We act with intention rather than reactionary behavior. We are self-assured and don’t feel a need to resort to unhealthy actions. We cheer others on and recognize their worth too. 

All in all, it leads to a more fulfilling and happier life, one which we want.

• So, what are you going to do to improve your self-confidence today?
• What skill are you good at, and how can you help remind yourself of this daily?

Read Next: Here’s How To Appear More Confident Even If You’re Not

Editor's note: This article was originally published Jul 12, 2023 and has been updated to improve reader experience.

Photo by Alexander Suhorucov