Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened.
It also doesn’t mean that your hurt doesn’t matter. Or that the relationship will continue forward where it left off.
Rather, forgiveness is about letting go.
You have the power to choose to let go of:
In a way, forgiveness is medicine for your mind. It allows you to step into a happier and more fulfilling life.
All of this isn’t to say that forgiveness is easy by any means.
It’s a learning curve. Yet, when you have the right tools and want to make an effort to change, it’s entirely possible for anyone in any situation. So, let’s explore how you can begin taking those steps toward forgiveness and leaving all of that negativity in the past.
In The Lion King, the wise Rafiki said,
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
The truth is that forgiveness isn’t about the other person. It’s all about you. And forgiving someone for an action or behavior that hurt you has various benefits, including:
Chances are that all of the above sounds great.
However, forgiveness can take time. In fact, for many people, this is one of the most important pieces.
Thus, it’s essential to practice compassion and kindness with yourself through the process.
Don’t force it.
Remind yourself that you’re doing it for you, not the other person. Now, how can you begin cultivating forgiveness in your life? Let’s find out.
The most important events in our life start with a single decision. And this is exactly where your forgiveness journey begins.
By choosing forgiveness, you are deciding to accept what happened and determining a way to reconcile it in your mind.
If you’re struggling to decide to forgive, ask yourself why?
Sometimes, this struggle might happen when you haven’t recognized, felt, and released your emotions. If you’re hanging onto hurt or pain, it’s okay to let it out. Remember, crying isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you, too, are human.
Sometimes, a flip in perspective can help you understand that the situation potentially wasn’t even about you. Or that the person that hurt you has more problems going on underneath it all than you realized.
Imagine what would drive someone to do what they did to you. This can help offer some perspective.
While doing this, it’s also important to not slide down the rabbit hole of negative self-talk. As humans, we can always do better. Acknowledge that but don’t dwell on it or talk down to yourself. Take that compassion and kindness with you through every step here.
Practice empathy when it comes to you and the other person or persons. Sometimes, this fresh perspective is exactly what you need to process your own emotions and come to terms with what happened.
In stressful and tough situations, many people find themselves losing purpose in life. This can lead you down a self-destructive, hopeless, and depressing path.
Instead of taking this route, try to find meaning in what happened.
You can also take this pain and try to switch your focus to more positive aspects of the world.
In more drastic situations, this might mean dedicating your life to helping others in similar situations or, simply, spreading little bits of kindness to others throughout your day.
Perhaps it even means holding the ones you love tighter and closer and learning how to not behave towards those you care about.
In many scenarios, you might have done something you aren’t proud of. It might have been something you said or an action you regret. While you’re hard on the other person, you’re just as hard on yourself. And you’re struggling to forgive yourself.
Always remember we are all imperfect beings. The best you can do is continue to grow and evolve. Avoid self-punishing behaviors, such as smoking or overeating. Instead, be compassionate toward yourself once again.
We are all simply doing the best with what we know. You can’t punish yourself or anyone else for that.
Related Article: Here’s Why Your Past Mistakes Don’t Own and Define
Perhaps you’ve gone through the steps above and it’s just not clicking. You still hold a ton of anger, resentment, and hurt. Time can help. But so can the following activities:
As humans, our negative emotions are frequently based on old survival instincts.
For instance, during the time of hunter-gatherers, rejection used to mean almost certain death. If you were rejected from your tribe and had to fend for yourself in the wild, inevitably, this would be much harder than if you were in a group.
And this fact isn’t meant to de-validate your feelings.
Hurt is real.
Anger is real.
Resentment can build.
Feel your feelings.
Acknowledge them.
Don’t hide from them.
But at the same time, know that not all of our feelings are useful. Sometimes, when they begin to bury us or no longer serve us, it’s time to let them go. Hanging onto them isn’t doing you any good any longer.
This is exactly what forgiveness helps you do. It allows you to say goodbye to those negative feelings and step into a more positive light where you can truly flourish.
Read Next: When You’re Struggling With Not Feeling Good Enough, Try This
Editor's note: This article was originally published Sep 17, 2021 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
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July 18, 2025
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Forgiveness is freedom. Thanks for articulating it so well.
Forgiveness gives peace and eliminate tention. You can concentrate on important matters of life
Very true, Mohinder. It's a worthy trait to practice.
Forgiveness is unfolding Divine Light for Mother Earth
Thanks Owura 🙂
Forgiveness is a healing process.keep at it.
Thanks .
Good advice Brenda, you're right, it could be a long journey, but it's really worth the effort. 🙂
Forgiveness is great, because it help you to let go of the pain and allow you to receive the blessing that god has in store.
Absolutely Wonita, forgiveness can lift a huge weight from your shoulders. 🙂
my husband had an affair in 2012 I want so desperately to forgive and move on but I am unable to and slowly I have been destroying myself. To forgive feels as if I will be admitting that it was okay. I feel lost. After reading this I will really try.
Theresa, that's not something that is easy to move on from. You don't have to suffer alone, or try to solve this yourself, is there anyone you can reach out to? A trusted friend or family member? Have you talked to a therapist or counselor? There are many online options as well if you need, here is an article with some resources for how to find professional advice. 10 Resources & Steps to Help You Find a Good Therapist Please reach out for help and take care of your own needs.
Forgiveness is being smart for your life. Thank you for sharing us your knowledge.
Thank you Kedir!
My Father molested me as a child. After confronting him as an adult I was disowned by my 3 brothers and their families as well as my Mother and Father. My parents have both passed on and I made peace with them before they died but my brothers and their families still do not speak to me or include me in anything as if there is something wrong with me. I am trying to work on forgiveness because I find myself getting upset each new time I find out they have excluded me again from a wedding or some other family get together. I was my Mother's caretaker for a year before she died and I thought my brothers and I had become close again but right after the funeral it was back to treating me like a leper again. How do I get passed it?
Hi Ginger, you have certainly been through a lot. It sounds like there is a lot to unravel here, and of course it would be heartbreaking to keep being left out and feeling like you aren't welcome. You confronted your father and the abuse, but perhaps the rest of your family is not ready to/does not want to/ doesn't know how to themselves, and you remind them of that. Have you reached out for advice or professional help for yourself? Childhood trauma can manifest in many different ways as adults, and working with/talking to/getting advice and tools from a therapist, psychologist or counselor can really help you sort out some of these feelings and concerns. You don't have to do this alone, forgiveness is hard, and trying to sort out childhood and family trauma can be even harder. You can get started here when you are ready, if you aren't sure who to reach out to. 10 Resources & Steps to Help You Find a Good Therapist We are all wishing you well 🙂
Thank you, I am printing this off and intend to read it often. 😊
Awesome to hear Raine! We're so happy it made an impact on you. Take care 🙂
Great read on Forgiveness. I've held on too long to resentments.
Thank you Irene. Listen we ALL hold onto resentment. I think that the harder it is to let go, the deeper the hurt was for us. But in the end, it really just hurts us, right? Forgiveness isn't easy, but I've found when I remember it's more for me to let go and heal, it gets a little easier to work on. Hopefully you can heal a little more as well 🙂
"Forgiveness is still, and quietly does nothing, It merely looks, and waits, and judges not". A Course In Miracles. Thank you for caring and sharing.
That's lovely, thank YOU for caring and sharing Nina 🙂 - that's a beautiful way to put it.
I wrote an essay on this subject over thirty years ago:
Forgiveness
I believe that the very root of goodness is forgiveness. For a person to be truly good, he must have the ability and the willingness to forgive. A good person can sin. In fact it may be essential that he recognize his own sins in order to realize the frailty of human will and human love when faced with temptation.
Love is at the root of forgiveness. Love gives one the desire to see beyond the pain that another has caused one and to acknowledge the thoughtlessness, rather than spite or simple perversity, that was probably at fault. Love helps one to look for the best in others; and that which is truly sought is almost certain to be found. The world has plenty of envious, greedy, self-serving, and inconsiderate people; but the person who is malicious for malice’s sake is a rarity. No one is perfect. Perfection is a high and noble goal; but it must be a goal for oneself and not one’s aim or expectation for others. Thus we return to forgiveness: the acceptance that those whom we love and meet are not perfect. They are no more perfect than we are ourselves.
JMMichaels
Thank you for sharing JM. Forgiveness can be so hard, because it can feel so painful when someone hurts us. But so often, as you say, no one is perfect, and forgiving is loving, even if it's just to ourselves. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and if we hold onto them, it can hurt more.