Doing the Right Thing: Are You in it for Your Own Reasons?

Most people start to develop an innate sense of right and wrong before adolescence.

While it may take some longer than others, people usually continue to develop their conscience and compassion until the frontal lobe of the brain is fully developed at 25 years old.

With the exception of specific psychological disorders, it isn't hard for most people to discern right from wrong.

Where things can become complicated is going from knowing what the right thing in a situation is to acting accordingly and actually doing the right thing.

Doing the right thing generally means making decisions that are not based on your own personal needs, that don't expand your popularity, or enforce your personal beliefs. It means doing what is best for the greater or common good. - Forbes

In other words, it's about having character, or integrity. About having a personal code to live by.

A lot of what we deem right or wrong early on is picked up from the influences around us - family, friends, teachers, coaches and children's programming.

But at a certain point, we begin to develop our own sense of right and wrong.

We establish:

• our own personal code of ethics
• how we treat people
• how we want to face the world

Of course, these may differ from that of our parents, peers or culture. By the time we are adults, we should be able to understand if we're doing the right things because they align with our values and the personal code we have created for ourselves. It means doing the right thing - even when no one is around.

The Benefits of Doing the Right Thing - For Your Own Reasons

Just like when we're kids, some people do what is the social norm or what they think is expected of them.

But, as we'll see below, some do things just to make themselves look good, or in hopes of being rewarded for it. Others still will do it simply because they don't want to get in trouble for avoiding it. 

But as adults, we don't have to put up our hands up to go to the bathroom, so to speak.

We're expected to know what we need to do and do it in a way that's unobtrusive and generally, for the good of everyone. This is why you don't chew with your mouth open in a meeting (I hope.). Or why you throw out that expired milk in the work fridge before Frank loads up his coffee. 

Sometimes you'll go against the grain. You may feel like you're alone, or something like, "Why am I always the one to...?" And you're right, you don't have to do that. Many people just don't care about personal standards, and only want to avoid rocking the boat, or doing what's easy. 

It's up to you who you want to be. 

If you do choose to hold yourself to your own set of standards, there are just a few incredible benefits you should know about: 

• Helps you build your personal integrity. Do you do what you say you'll do, and hold yourself up to a higher standard?
• It can build your self-esteem. You are in control of this, and learning to speak up, or stick to what you think is important can help you trust your own instincts and thoughts more. You're not waiting to see what everyone else will do. 
• You're contributing to the greater good. You are making decisions with consideration for others around you.
• You are building leadership skills. Not being afraid to make decisions that may or may not be of personal benefit is one of many skills top leaders have.
• You'll feel good about it. When you stick to doing the right thing, you don't have to sit on guilt or shame, which can be detrimental to your self-esteem. You did what you thought was right, and that's something to be proud of.
• You will inspire others. No kidding. You will most likely develop a reputation for being respected, reliable and honest, and people will want to do the same. Of course, don't do it just to acquire admirers, that's not really the point, right?

Questions to Ask to Get the Hang of it

Maybe you are really excited to sink your teeth into this idea. Great! 

Whether you are looking back at something that happened, or in the moment with a, "What's the right thing to do here," kinda situation, ask yourself a few questions. 

• "How will I feel about myself if I do (Or don't do) this?"
• "How would I want to be treated if this was happening to me (Or someone you care about)?"
• "Would I be embarrassed if someone found out that I did that?"
• Is this going to bother me later if I don't do or say something?"

More questions will pop up, but these should prove helpful to start you off. 

Doing the Right Thing: Why Are You Doing it?

Let's do a reality check. When it comes to doing the right thing, things like these come to mind:

• Standing up for someone when no one else is going to
• Telling a client that the product they're looking at is actually not a good choice because you know it's made shabbily, or is of bad quality, even if you lose a sale
• Admitting when you did something wrong or made a mistake, even if you could have gotten away with it
• Not going along with others bashing or gossiping about someone behind their back
• Helping someone instead of ignoring something uncomfortable

Building character, or integrity, means establishing your code, your values, your own 'do the right thing' standard. But you also need to stick to it, ESPECIALLY when it's difficult to do so. 

As you go through this thought process and look at doing the right thing, it's important to consider some of the reasons people do the right things for the wrong reasons. While yes, one could argue that they are still doing the right thing, they're not doing it for themselves, which is the topic of the day.

Doing the Right Thing for the Wrong Reasons

Seeking Reward

When we're young, our conscience is being actively molded by the people and experiences around us. There is often instant gratification and a reward for pro-social, honest, and rule-following behaviors.

You may have:

• Earned a gold star by sharing with a classmate
• Or received a piece of candy for staying out of trouble when out of view at home or with a sitter

This is an understandable method to keep kids safe and out of trouble with their parents and each other. But ingraining this kind of motivation unfortunately feeds a Pavlovian type of conditioning that may not evolve as we grow older.

Some people continue to weigh doing the right thing with getting something in return into adulthood.

Society could not function in a healthy manner if everyone only did right if they were getting a guaranteed reward out of it. Behaving well and contributing to your community is its own reward if one must be made available to do so.

Avoiding Punishment

Being on your best behavior only to avoid punishment is also an example of doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

It can lull others into a false sense of security when it comes to a person's character and decision making. Those around them may think they can be trusted in any situation, when this is actually not the case.

Motivation through fear, as opposed to respect or empathy, often results in people who approach the world this way.

Chasing Praise

Don’t seek out praise for doing right.

It can make your action seem less like you genuinely want to do the right thing. Instead, it may come across like you're just trying to get attention. Chasing praise can also make those you helped and bystanders alike feel manipulated.

Of course, it's fine to accept praise if it's offered, but it is best not to expect or request it.

Expecting Appreciation

Expressing gratitude is natural in most situations that require another to do the right thing, especially when there is no legal necessity or they are accepting a risk to do so.

But appreciation isn't always given. In fact, good deeds can backfire and put a do-gooder in harms way.

So, even though we may appreciate another coming through for us, don't do good with the expectation of recognition or appreciation.

Accepting Consequences

Unfortunately, the world is full of wrongdoers. This means one can easily end up tangled in someone else's web of wrongdoing. This can put a person in the precarious position of also doing the wrong thing, or being a silent bystander, or risk suffering personal consequences.

We're not guaranteed to come away from doing the right thing unscathed. But to the best of our ability, we need to be courageous enough to accept the consequences of doing right and resisting wrong.

Doing the Right Thing for Your Own Reasons

At the end of the day, it's up to you who you want to be, how you choose to treat people and what you want to stand behind. We can generally agree on what's right or wrong, but in the moment, will your actions match your words? Is it important to you that they do?

If you have done or identify with some of the behaviors above, that's okay. We do things for all kinds of reasons in various situations. The point is, if you want to shift out of these behaviors and into a more personally accountable way of life, you can choose to do so at any time!

That's a huge part of personal growth. Identifying something you don't like or want to change - and setting out on a path to do so.

Editor's note: This article was originally published Jul 4, 2021 and has been updated to improve reader experience. 

Photo by RDNE Stock project