Life is filled with many rollercoasters of events and emotions.
At times, it’s easy to get overwhelmed—we’ve all been there! And most of us know how unpleasant this can be, especially if you let your thoughts and emotions run away from you.
Yet, you can get back in the driver’s seat and stay in control. This all comes down to your emotional resilience.
Emotional resilience involves your ability to cope mentally and emotionally—and ultimately, stay in control of any negative emotions. This allows you to “roll with the punches” and ride that wave of life as opposed to being thrown around by it.
So, let’s dig into this topic a bit more.
You might look at your friends or family and wish you could be as resilient as they seem to be. You see them gracefully handling life’s adversities, bouncing back after pitfalls, and generally, succeeding in all they set out to do. What gives?
Here’s the thing: Emotional resilience is determined by a combination of factors including:
At the same time, genetics are only a small piece of the equation (no surprise there!),
This means you have more control than you realize when it comes to being more emotionally resilient.
At the same time, it’s interesting to note that experts pinpoint the state of your relationship with your parent or guardian as one of significance in regard to emotional resilience.
Your resilience is probably quite high if you were well-loved and cared for as a child.
On the other hand, you might struggle if you had a traumatic childhood. But the good news is that you can learn!
5 Ways to Build Your Resilience as an Adult (Even if You Didn't Have a Supportive Childhood)
Building emotional resilience comes down to seven key pieces, including the 7 C’s:
Two major things that people need in their life are control and connection.
You need to feel in control of your own life. As a teen (or partner), this can sometimes feel very limiting. You might find you cater more to your partner than yourself or you may find your parents are rather strict.
Ideally, you want the room to be able to think for yourself and make your own decisions! This can lead to a better ability to cope later on down the line.
When we feel competent, we feel confident.
We are able to push our comfort zone and be okay with that. By developing skills we already have, we can also develop new skills or strengths, helping us expand our emotional resilience even further.
Confidence gives us the ability to explore new endeavors and even coping strategies.
It also gives us the perspective that we will be okay no matter what, guiding us toward bouncing back after tough times.
You probably saw this one coming!
Connection is essential for every single person. It gives us a sense of community and belonging, something that is undeniably important when you’re going through a rough patch in life.
This is your moral compass (i.e. what you stand for and your values!).
Knowing your values and being confident in them can help you overcome particularly stressful situations.
There is healthy coping and unhealthy coping.
It’s important for every person to develop healthy coping mechanisms, such as self-care strategies and relaxation techniques, to help get through turbulent times.
Helping others actually means you’re more likely to ask for help too.
It fosters a community and sharing approach where we lean on one another and rely on one another.
Related Article: 21 Ways to Improve Your Mental Well-Being Right Now
Now, let’s get to it. How can you build your emotional resilience?
Inevitably, you can’t just erase life’s difficulties. Thus, it comes down to coping with them. So, how can you do that?
Here are a few steps you can take today:
You can absolutely want to be better or improve something about yourself AND accept yourself at the same time. These are never mutually exclusive.
We all do!
Dancing around in your kitchen (yes, this counts!) or getting crafty and artsy with some paint.
Figuring this out can help you understand yourself better, practice self-compassion, and help you fill in the gaps where you need to.
Related Article: Feeling Burnt Out? Here Are 4 Ways Gratitude Can Help You Recover
You won’t hit a home run right off the bat.
This means you’ll probably still get overwhelmed more than a few times. However, pat yourself on the back if you’re starting to do something about it and find ways to quell those feelings of overwhelm.
As Steve Maraboli says, “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”
Read Next: Hypnosis for Anxiety & Depression: How Does it Work & Can it Help You?
Editor's note: This article was originally published Dec 3, 2023 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
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Well said. It happens to me all the time. One of my mantras in life is emotional mastery. It did not come easy, though. Am now a very stable person in my adult life. All of life aggravations no longer throw me over board.
We should remember we can not stop the birds from flying over our heads but, surely we can stop them from entering our ears. The seven C's are some of the ways for emotional battle proof.
You always have wise words to share Moses, and we always appreciate your support. I like your message about not being able to control what happens around us, but being able to decide what we take in our heads is our choice. Emotional resilience really IS like a shield, and we are all capable of having one. 🙂
Often when I hit a low and feel this emotional turmoil, the next day my inbox gives me a little gift of knowledge. Yesterday, with the full moon twisting and turning my emotions, indecision pestering my mind, confusion and emotion reeking havoc, and feeling a sense of hopelessness I read this. It hit me square between the eyes the resilience is probably quite high if you were well-loved and cared for as a child. (I did not feel well cared for as a child, quite the opposite in fact, I felt I didn't belong in my family). I believe you helped me realize a major impact in my soul which I can begin to learn to release. I appreciate you thoughtful words
That sounds like quite a big realization Lore! I think we'll do some research on your thought for a future article on resilience being tied to childhood. Either way, hopefully this helps you release any negative metions or impact in your life, as you said. Thank you for your comments and take care of yourself 🙂