If you’re solely counting on others to make you feel loved and appreciated, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
Sure, it is wonderful to be affirmed by those close to you. However, if others are your primary means of feeling loved, you may find yourself feeling sad, angry, frustrated, and probably lonely.
I used to struggle quite a bit with feeling unloved and unworthy. Unconsciously, I reached for others to try to fill the emptiness I was feeling within and it usually set me up to feel disappointed or hurt. It took me a while, but I finally learned that I had to learn how to love myself first in order to fill up that inner void.
I didn’t know how to connect with my spirit and inner power. I gave other people control over me and could not set boundaries. As a result, I experienced more negative emotions than I wanted to. Through a rather toxic relationship, I was able to learn so many things about myself that I needed to learn in order to grow spiritually.
The biggest and most important lesson?
How to become my own source of love. Let me tell you, it makes a world of difference when you can dig deep, get through a lifetime of inner wounds, and discover the reservoir of divine love at the core of your being.
It feels like a million pounds have been lifted off your shoulders, you wake up feeling happy just because you’re alive, and life finally makes some sense!
My spiritual change didn’t come easy though.
I went through a metamorphosis process and at times it was pretty dark. My commitment to daily meditation, exercise, and pursuing a career that I was passionate about helped me to get through that darkness and continues to help me grow today.
I want to share with you three of the biggest ways you can learn how to become your very own source of love, instead of relying on others.
Chances are if you’re not your own source of love in some form or fashion, you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, frustration, and fear. You may even be self-medicating. You may be pointing fingers at your partner, parents, friends, etc. for the plight of your life.
I assure you that until you take responsibility for your feelings, you will likely continue to suffer in pain.
Why? It really is no one else’s job to make you feel loved or happy. Sure, people can be nice to you and love you – and they should. However, if they don’t (as people do let us down at times), how do you react? Do you spiral into a depression? Drink? Detach?
I pointed fingers a lot, not realizing I was living in victim mode. I even had the right to in many ways, but I finally realized that blaming others for my own level of happiness never changes a thing.
Once I took my power back and owned my responsibility for my feelings and my life, I started changing deep inside. I actually began feeling liberated! I no longer wanted to give someone else permission to be my only source of love when I knew full well that was my job. And, no one could do it better than me!
Do your best to stop pointing fingers.
Take your power back. If you’re in a narcissistic, abusive relationship, it’s time to get out or work it out. If you’re single and blaming your ex for your emotional plight, you’ve got to stop. Take your power back and do something different. Make major changes.
You are responsible for your emotional life.
I found out that one reason I acted out codependent characteristics in a previous relationship was because I had an old tape that was recorded in childhood playing continually in my subconscious mind.
I had some unhealed wounds that festered and would occasionally rise to the surface, especially when my ex would withdraw emotionally. It would trigger feelings of abandonment, unworthiness, and rejection time and time again and emotionally I would digress.
My subconscious beliefs were running the show and until I recognized this and actually contended with the old programs, this dreadful cycle continued.
If you’re struggling emotionally, chances are your thoughts and beliefs are faulty and those most likely have come from your childhood. We get “programmed” quite well in our first six years of life by caretakers, society, peers, etc.
If you’ve experienced some trauma or neglect in those years, you most likely detached from the feelings associated with such. You were too young to process those feelings so you repressed, suppressed, detached, etc., but those feelings come back on occasion because they need you to process and integrate them.
It’s time to contend with any faulty thoughts and beliefs you have.
Take a season and work on re-training your brain. Make a list of the negative beliefs you hold about yourself and work through them. If you’re suffering from a lot of depression, consider going to therapy for a season. When you can reprogram your subconscious mind, your whole world will change for the better!
I used to want someone to rescue me in just about every way. I felt like a scared little girl without a clue as to how to make something of myself.
Creating a life that I loved wasn't something I knew how to do. However, over time, as I continued on the path of self-discovery and persisted despite pain and obstacles, I learned that I was the sole creator of my life.
Growing up struggling with codependency caused me to feel like the only way I was of any value was in pleasing and taking care of other people. The big problem with that was that I never really learned how to take care of myself or put myself first.
I lived my life based upon my unhealed wounds from the past and gave others control over me. It almost led me to an early death. Once I made a huge decision to work on “my issues”, my internal life began changing and as a result, my external world began changing as well.
I went from insecure to secure, feeling unloved to knowing that I’m always loved by me and my creator, God. From working a job I disliked to creating my own business and loving it. I also let go of a couple of toxic relationships, which felt really good.
My inner love for myself has changed my entire life and this is one reason I’m so passionate about helping others who struggle with anxiety, depression, and codependency.
Are you feeling unloved? Unworthy? If so, begin a journey within and do some digging there. See if you’ve got unhealed wounds from your past you’ve never dealt with. Gauge your relationships to see if any of them are toxic.
Consider reaching out to a therapist for some help. Begin a fresh relationship with your higher power.
I know if I could experience progress in my life, anyone can. You’re worthy. You’re beautiful. And, I believe in YOU!