How to Deal With Codependency Recovery: You’re Not Crazy & You Can Recover

By Dominica

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Last Updated: December 23, 2021

“I just know he is seeing someone else!” 

Donna would tell me about her issue with her husband every other day. Her husband kept to himself for the most part and would not emotionally commit to her. Maybe he didn’t know how to show a woman love. Or, perhaps he just lost interest.

Donna was stuck in codependent behaviors.  No matter what he did, she did not feel loved. In fact, she felt very insecure most of the time. She thought for sure her husband was cheating on her. 

He would get home late from work and her mind would become frazzled. His phone would ding with a text and she would automatically think it was another woman. 

She really let it affect her mental state. Despite my best efforts, she would refuse to listen to reason. She would tell me that she thought she was going crazy. Her mind couldn’t shut off and she’d be thinking insecure thoughts all day long.

 

Codependency Can Feel Crazy

Needless to say, the relationship eventually ended. She eventually moved out, determined that he did not love her.  Had she been willing to really look at her past, she would have noticed a pattern of attracting men that weren’t there emotionally for her. 

And, this unavailability caused her to feel really insecure, a core wound that began for her at a young age.

Dealing with codependent emotions and behaviors can cause you to feel like you’re going crazy. I know for myself that I used to question my sanity and as the disorder progressed in my life, I could admit that there was something seriously wrong with me. 

When irrational thoughts and extreme fear and insecurity take hold of a person, mental stability feels nonexistent. 

I remember times when I would completely have an emotional breakdown over something very minor. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself beforehand I would count to ten or wait a day to process. 

In the heat of the moment, I became triggered and reacted – quite immature, I might add. One night I flipped over what I perceived to be my partner being selfish (again) and my insecurities caused me to head out the door to a hotel for the night – determined to never go back.

I’ll admit it wasn’t a great coping skill.

So if you are feeling crazy with some codependent behaviors, know that you’re not alone. And, you’re not crazy. You’ve simply learned these types of emotions and behaviors growing up.

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So if you’re doing the same things over and over, it’s time to make some major changes!

 

Codependency Is Curable

I found it helpful to think of codependency as a dis-ease, but a curable dis-ease.  I do not believe for one moment that someone cannot fully recover from codependent characteristics with hard work, consistency, counseling, and faith.

No one is born codependent. In fact, we were all born perfectly whole, yet over the years some of us developed poor coping skills and our emotional growth was stunted. But we can recover that pure, perfectly whole spirit that we once were! 

Recovery is an option you can take and run with it. As you take steps in the recovery process, you will feel less crazy with emotions like fear, anger, depression, and insecurities.

The more I progressed in my recovery, the less crazy I saw myself. I began to understand that it was simply my inability to see how my negative emotions and projections were hurting me mentally. 

It’s not that I didn’t want to see; I couldn’t see!  But as I learned about codependency, went to therapy, read my books, journaled, meditated, and talked to others who struggle with the disorder, my eyes opened little by little. I began growing in ways I never thought possible.

 

Put the Effort Into Codependency Recovery

I’m adamant about getting serious about recovery and growing. 

Some people come to me stating that they want help, but they are not willing to do any work. They want a magic pill or magical answers that will make their pain vanish, but it doesn’t work that way. 

You acquired your unstable emotional state or faulty coping skills over a period of time. It will take some time to become emotionally stable and acquire healthy coping skills.

It’s a process!

It took five years of half-hearted attempts to get free from my negative emotions and behaviors before I realized that I was not changing. My emotional life was not changing. I would have a good month or two and then I’d go crazy with something or the depression would knock me on my butt.

It wasn’t until I really gave 100% to getting better that I began making progress. It wasn’t until I really made a commitment to go back and face my dysfunctional childhood that I began changing my internal script. I had to make some MAJOR changes in order to start going from insanity to sanity emotionally!

Read this next: The Main 3 Types of Relationships and Which one You Actually Want

 

Your Unique Healing Path

Every person has a different road to healing and growth and that’s alright.

What works for me might not work for you, so you have to sort of carve your own path. Try various methods for inner childhood healing and emotional freedom. If one therapist doesn’t seem to be helping, switch to another, but do make an honest attempt with each. 

I think that so often we want that quick fix and a quick fix just isn’t normally possible when you’re dealing with a lifetime of hurts, negative coping skills, and so much more.

When I finally felt like I was headed for a major emotional breakdown, my friend told me to go ahead and embrace it with all I had!  That’s not the advice I wanted, but it’s the advice I needed. I did embrace it and I also used it as a springboard for emotional healing and spiritual growth. 

So can you!

You’re not crazy, but you may be repeating some less than sane emotional cycles.  Become a student of codependency recovery, if you can get into a 12 Step Codependents Anonymous group, go for it, and do the work. We want instant everything, but emotional healing takes time. 

Growth takes time!

Step by step, day by day.  You got this.

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

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