What's Your EQ? 7 Signs of Emotional Intelligence & 5 Ways to Improve Yours

Having emotions is one of the incredible wonders of the human experience.

And as most cases would have it, you often can’t have the good without the bad. We all experience a varying range of emotions.

Yet, some of us tend to manage them better than others, and this all comes down to your emotional intelligence (EQ).

So, how is your emotional intelligence?

Do you need to work on this?

Below, we answer these questions and more.

What is Emotional Intelligence and an Example?

Emotional intelligence refers to your ability to understand, manage, and use your emotions to communicate with others and get to know yourself better.

It also involves your ability to interpret and respond to the emotions of others - and this is where it can get tricky.

When our emotions fly off the rails, we often get so stuck in our own perspective that we may lose the inability to see another person’s viewpoint.

In conflict, understanding these differing perspectives and emotions is key to finding a resolution that works for both parties. In other words, the health of your relationships may depend on your emotional intelligence.

On the other hand, someone who is able to express themselves effectively and respectfully has a high emotional intelligence. This means communicating in a caring and compassionate way, rather than throwing a book at the wall in frustration. 

• So, how do you know how your emotional intelligence ranks?
• Do you need to improve?

In the next sections, we examine the signs of poor emotional intelligence and the signs of good emotional intelligence. At the end of the day, it’s likely we can all improve a little bit, even if we believe we already have a high EQ. 

What Does Poor Emotional Intelligence Look Like?

Individuals with poor emotional intelligence have difficulty understanding and controlling their emotions.

They may get excessively angry and unable to communicate or understand why. Many times, these individuals have sudden emotional outbursts. 

A person with low emotional intelligence may further:

• Have difficulty with maintaining relationships
• Always steer the conversation about themselves
• Display a lack of empathy for others
• Have various strong opinions
• Blame others
• Have difficulty coping with stressful and turbulent times

Luckily, gaining awareness is the first step toward enhancing your emotional intelligence. And when you do, you foster healthy and fulfilling relationships with others (and yourself!).

What are the 7 Signs of Emotional Intelligence?

Those with high emotional intelligence often exhibit the following seven signs.

1. They get along well with and show genuine interest in others.
2. They understand their own weaknesses and strengths.
3. They take responsibility for their actions and let go of their mistakes.
4. They can effectively describe how they are feeling, even in difficult situations.
5. They have feelings of empathy and concern toward others.
6. They have self-confidence and display self-acceptance.
7. They are curious about others’ feelings.

Not sure about your own emotional intelligence?

Well, getting curious is a good sign. And there are online EQ tests you can take, plus tips on how to improve yours below.

What are 5 Ways to Improve Emotional Intelligence?

If you’re looking to improve your emotional intelligence, these tips can help you do just that.

Start having more effective conversations, and understand yourself better. 

1. Pause and Name Your Emotions.

Are you quick to react?

Well, taking a moment to pause when you recognize yourself getting heated can prevent something you regret from happening (such as yelling at your SO). 

• Take a moment and take a deep breath.
• Recognize how you are feeling.
• Then, name it.
• Are you feeling angry? Sad? Hurt?
• Reflect for a moment.
• And most importantly, accept your feelings.

It’s okay to feel hurt or sad or angry. But your response doesn’t need to be dictated by emotions.

Consider: What is the best way to respond here and communicate how you feel? 

Related Article: Feeling Angry? 4 Ways You Can Release it in Healthy Ways

2. Ask for Feedback.

Those closest to you likely have a good idea regarding your emotional intelligence.

Ask your friends, family, partner, or close colleagues to rate your emotional intelligence on a scale from 1-10. While it might not always be the feedback you want; it might be exactly what you need.

3. Actively Listen to the Other Person.

This doesn’t mean thinking about what you’ll say next while the other person explains how they feel.

It means paying attention and truly trying to put yourself in their shoes. Can you understand why they may feel hurt or upset? Probably. You just need to listen!

As you listen, make sure to keep eye contact and nod at appropriate points to communicate to the other person that you are, in fact, listening. Paraphrasing can also work wonders here, as can asking questions to show curiosity and to help you further understand.

Active Listening: What Is It & 7 Techniques to Improve Your Skills→

4. Take Responsibility for Your Actions.

If you hurt someone, own up to it.

If you said something you shouldn’t have, say that and apologize. Fessing up and recognizing when we’ve behaved inappropriately shows self-awareness and the ability to self-regulate how we feel. 

For example, getting angry that your spouse is hurt by something you said isn’t going to help the situation or help either party feel understood. Instead, it will likely escalate it.

On the flip side, if you were to take your time and understand why it hurt the other person and then take responsibility and apologize (as well as maybe understand why you would be angry about it), you can foster a closer bond with your loved one and yourself.

5. Become More Aware of Your Weaknesses and Strengths.

This is something that can be obtained through feedback (see tip #2 above).

This can also help you navigate through your own actions and gain a better understanding of what you may need to work on when it comes to communication and emotional intelligence.

The truth is we aren’t perfect beings, and that’s okay. Understanding where we fall short or could improve can continue our personal growth journey and create a fulfilling and happy life.

Related Article: How Self-Aware Are You? The 2 Types of Self-Awareness & How to Improve Yours

Emotional Intelligence Leads to Greater Life Satisfaction

American neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux once stated,

“Emotions are a critical source of information for learning.”

As soon as we start viewing our emotions this way, the sooner we can become better versions of ourselves and propel our life forward. So, get curious about your emotions and the emotions of others. What can you learn?

Read Next: 8 Hot Tips to Build and Maintain a Healthy Relationship

Editor's note: This article was originally published May 20, 2024 and has been updated to improve reader experience.

Photo by Artem Podrez