There is no shortage of dating advice both online and offline.
The dating industry is huge and thousands of businesses have been carved out from, and built around it, generating billions of dollars yearly. Books, courses, coaches, apps, creams, clothes, shoes, etc. are all out there, all hell-bent on getting you to find the love of your life.
They all offer dos and don’ts, principles, and secret tactics. If you follow them step-by-step, you are guaranteed to get what you are looking for (in 30 days or less, or your money back). And they really can get you some results.
For instance, using pickup lines, compliments, gifts or other sneaky psychological tricks can get you a date or two. However, you risk coming across as creepy, insincere or fake in most cases. But that’s not all, you also risk ending up with shallow or toxic people by using these tactics.
It's a whole lot better to approach things honestly and calmly. Obviously, it's better to ask people out on a date or let them know you're interested without being a creep. Not only would this ensure you get to go out with high-value people, but you may also earn the respect of those who turn you down.
The truth is that it is not always easy to communicate your intentions to someone, without the risk of rejection, especially if you’re inexperienced. That is why it is better to get them to be more open to you before even making your move.
Now, a lot of people try to overcomplicate things with dozens of pieces of advice; but here I’d reveal an approach that is as simple as ABC that you can follow today to resolve all your worries about dating, or seeming creepy.
A lot of the fear we face when it comes to talking to people about how we feel is mostly due to the fear of rejection.
To the average person, rejection is almost as terrifying as standing in front of a loaded gun (no one wants to be there). However, the difference is that a gun can kill, but rejection really won’t.
The solution to this irrational fear is to develop yourself to the point where you begin to realize that there is hardly any reason left for them to reject you, save their personal preferences.
When you have gotten to this point, rejection feels less like an attack on you, and more like a mismatch of wants at that very moment. You understand that they didn’t reject you because you were lacking something, but because they weren’t ready, or just didn’t prefer your type.
Now, this may still sting a little, but not as much as when you can clearly see that they rejected you due to your obvious shortcomings. Being unkempt, unhealthy, or having off putting personal behaviors may actually creep people out if you approach them that way; so why not fix that first?
A lot of times we are consumed by what we think, feel, and want, while thinking less about what the other person thinks, feels, or wants.
For instance, being out in the dark at night can put people on the edge in terms of personal safety, yet some people would think it clever to stop someone on a lonely path at night to talk. This behavior shows a lack of appropriateness, but can also come across as downright creepy.
Imagine another scenario. This time, someone is flirting with a worker who is getting paid to be nice to them (Think wait staff, salespeople, or customer care representatives).
Not only is this creepy, but it is also counterproductive, as they are actively meeting them when they're most defensive and closed to the option of dating.
They would have had a better shot if they were at a more serene and unofficial setting. Think the park, art gallery, zoo, coffee shop or a sports event. The idea is to think to yourself, “Would I feel comfortable talking with a complete stranger about dating in this situation?”
If the answer is no, or maybe, you probably shouldn't advance. Always try to see things from their perspective.
If the answer is yes, then it's OK to proceed.
This doesn’t mean you should beat about the bush, but that you should be more gentle with your approach.
If you see someone across the room and want to speak with them, it's way better to establish eye contact with them (and had them notice you first) before walking over.
And when you are with them, you don’t have to go straight to asking them for a date; you first need to get to know them.
Listen to their response too. Do they seem to be interested?
As you can see, what flows naturally after building rapport with them, is that they open up to you. At this point, they either decide to go on a date or not; but in either case, you have your respect intact, and the interaction is pleasant for everyone.
If things go well, you can make your intent to date them more overt during the lunch, coffee break, or what have you in store.
It is simple as ABC, with zero creepiness involved. It may take longer to develop yourself or to build rapport. But in the end, it leads to the best kind of relationship – a happy and healthy one.
Read this next: How to Communicate With Anyone You Meet