5 Ways to Fall in Love With Yourself Again After a Breakup

By Tatenda


Last Updated: September 26, 2022

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur

When in a relationship, we get so used to having someone love us that we sometimes forget to love ourselves. 

Consequently, when the relationship ends, we feel like we have lost the only person who loved us.

We forget that we are capable of showing ourselves the love we deserve. In unfortunate incidents, we go into a downward spiral of exploring everything we think is wrong with us and convince ourselves that we are the reason the relationship ended.  And that we don’t deserve love.

Sadly, that is not healthy.

Yes, we should be sad about a breakup, but we should also continue loving ourselves.

If you are one of those people who had forgotten how to love themselves, this article is for you. 



5 Ways to Gain Self-love After a Breakup

1. Practice self-care.

Even when you are so used to doing all the fun things with your significant other, keep in mind that you can still do the things that make you feel good on your own.

Buy yourself some flowers, take that trip you always wanted to go on, do face masks and take a day off just so you can pamper yourself. You are special, and you deserve to feel that way (even when you are broke).


2. Be your number 1 cheerleader.

Before you start your day, look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate every inch of yourself.

Hype yourself up and prepare for the day that is coming ahead. Remind yourself that you have all that it takes to get to where you want to be. 

Daily affirmations can help you start the day on a positive note. 


3. Hang out with your people.

After a breakup, you might start feeling lonely because the person you spent a lot of time with is no longer around. 

You have family and friends, some of which were around even before that relationship started. Spend time with these people and enjoy the love they have for you. When you are having a hard day, reach out and ask them if you can hang out. Sometimes all you need is some good company.  


4. Pour your emotions on a piece of paper.

How you feel inside after a breakup can be difficult even for you to understand.

Often you have mixed feelings, sometimes happy that the relationship ended and sometimes sad. 

I find that writing down how I am feeling always makes me feel better. It allows you to let everything out of your body onto a piece of paper. Sometimes you want your ex to know how you feel, but in some cases, that can be a bad idea to tell them. But that doesn’t mean you should keep everything bottled up.

Write it all down in a journal, a random piece of paper, or your notes app. You will feel like you have communicated your frustrations and be in a better space to start loving yourself again. 


5. Forgive yourself and your ex.

When you are holding on to anger and resentment, it can be challenging to move on.

No matter what happened that led to the end of the relationship, do your best to forgive. You can not go back and change the past. Accept what happened and learn from the mistakes that you made. Forgive and move on. 



You Deserve to Love Yourself Even After a Breakup

These tips are a great starting point in the journey of loving yourself.

Some days you might not feel like you do not deserve love, but the following day, you wake up and try again. 

Whenever I woke up grumpy or in a bad mood, a friend of mine would always tell me that it’s because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He would go on to ask me to lie down on my bed again and get off from a different side this time.

As silly as this might sound, it really made me less grumpy. I guess because I would have woken up on the good side the second time.

When you wake up on the bad side of the bed, don’t be afraid to go lay down again and try another side. Learning to love yourself again will not be easy, but with persistence and consistency, it can be done. 

Do everything that makes you happy and remind yourself that you are worthy of love. Learning to love yourself again will boost your self-esteem and help you effectively deal with the breakup. 

Remember, how you love yourself sets the standard for how others will also love you. 

Photo by Loe Moshkovska



6 comments on “5 Ways to Fall in Love With Yourself Again After a Breakup”

  1. This has been so true of me after a break up of a marriage of 35 years. I see now how I didn’t love myself and this is why others have stayed away from me. I want to start all over again and love myself like u say.

    1. That's great to hear Bonnie! Sometimes we need something drastic to happen to open our eyes. Our whole lives can change when we start to love ourselves. We are wishing you so much luck on your journey!

  2. This article is just what I needed; after giving away so much of myself to others I now need to do way more self care, and love me first, and do the things that I love to do, it’s way overdue,

    1. Good for you AMR! Sometimes we spend so much time focused on others that we just completely leave ourselves in the dust. You fill your cup again!

  3. I agree with Bonnie and AMR. Although, my ex-husband and separated in 2019 physically, he deserted me in our home in 2014 after I had a stroke. With God's love and help, I'm doing well. I find myself loss sometimes because we did have some good times. I'm now having a good time alone. I'm learning me! Thanks for the article.

    1. We love to hear you are learning you Tina. It sounds like you have had a tough time, but have come through it stronger and more present. Wishing you well and love hearing from you 🙂

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