Back in the days when I didn't have a partner, I used to dislike when people would ask me if I was single.
Many people come to hate that question. It either comes from someone who is salivating, hoping the answer is yes or it is from someone who wonders why in the world you’re not in a relationship.
When I would say “yes”, they’d slowly nod their head several times and say, “Ohhh. I see.”
I used to think they were judging me silently, as if something were wrong with me. Why couldn’t I land a mate?
I know others I’ve talked to that are single have a twinge of shame around it as well.
However, we don’t have to view ourselves in a negative way or like we’re doing something wrong if we’re single. There is nothing “wrong” with it.
And, I know I discovered pros and cons to being single. The following are some of the things I’ve learned when I’ve been single in life. If you’re single, I hope you’ll start thinking more about the pros than the cons.
Enjoy your relationship status no matter what it is.
Cons of Being Single
- Having to contend with those that look at you and say, “Poor thing. How do you manage?” As if being single is some god-awful thing that denotes you are some sort of loser, failure, or that you just plain stink at relationships.
- There’s no one to share daily details with. You know. The highs and lows of the workday the boring stories that your mate has to at least act like they are interested in, the exciting gig you landed at work, the hormonal surges, the everything! Sure, you call upon friends and family, but it’s not the same. If you’re single, you get it.
- Life is good, but when you’re sharing it with your boo, it can feel much richer!
- No physical intimacy.
- No one’s telling you that you’re beautiful or hot or sexy on a regular basis.
- You can feel alone and lonely.
- The thought of having to enter the dating world can feel scary. Dating can be exhausting and brutal at times.
- Being single and scrolling social media feeds and seeing all the happy couples posting their pics, leaving sweet sentiments to each other, etc. can make you feel lonely and jealous. Then there is the temptation to take a sneak peak to see what the ex is up to, which usually leaves you feeling down.
- Cooking for one isn’t as fun.
- You may feel like you have to act like you have it all together. Yes, I love being alone almost 24/7. Yes, I love taking care of it all. Yes, it is so awesome to have peace and quiet ALL THE TIME. Yes, the cat is a wonderful companion! Yes, I love pinching pennies in my 300 sq. foot apartment! Yes, I am so strong. I don’t need or want anyone! While some of those things may be true, having to act like you’re ultra-strong and fine all the time can become exhausting.
- “You’re such a wonderful person. You’ll find someone.” While you may be a wonderful person, this comment can cause you to question yourself and think maaaaaaaybe you’re single because you’re not that great or crazy or something is inherently wrong with you and maybe you’ll be single forever.
- No cuddling.
- No dreaming late night dreams with someone, laughing about the dumbest things, saying cheesy, off-the-wall things at the oddest moments, no flirting, passionate kisses, romance, flowers, knowing someone actually cares at a deep level.
- When you’re down and out with sickness, no one is there to take care of you and spoil you like our mothers used to do when we were kids.
- Random thoughts that you will be single…..forever. That no one will ever match your “soul-mate wish list”.
- Hearing love songs on the radio that remind you of good relationship times. And crying while driving down the road wondering what in the heck went wrong. Wondering if I you will ever get the “love gig” down.
PROS OF BEING SINGLE:
- You don’t have to answer to anyone. You can do what you want, when you want, with whoever you want, and do it for whatever reason you want. That feels great!
- No one can complain about your quirks, defects, the way you do or don’t do something, your habits, grammar, and whether or not the house is super clean.
- Cooking is optional.
- Clothing is optional.
- You can go to sleep at whatever time you want. No distractions. No snoring.
- You learn that you can do it alone – this thing called life. Being alone is not a bad thing and loneliness can be curbed by family and friendships, activities, and events.
- You feel stronger.
- You have complete control over the remote.
- You can fail at something without having to fear complete rejection from your partner.
- No one is jealous.
- Texting whoever, whenever.
- Shaving legs/face is optional.
- You don’t feel responsible for someone else’s happiness.
- You can take off whenever you want.
- You can flirt.
- You tend to make more acquaintances and friends.
- You have more time to rediscover yourself.
- You tend to feel more independent and freer.
- No one telling or reminding you about defects, quirks, etc.
You see, there are pros and cons to being single. Your mindset will determine to a large degree how singlehood goes for you. And, who knows? You may prefer to be single and truly enjoy it! If so, that’s wonderful.
If you’re single and desire a relationship, do the best you can at navigating your life solo until you meet that special someone. If you’re tired of waiting to find that special person, perhaps step out and do some things different to meet more potentials. Get involved in the community more. Attend online and community events.
Online dating is an option for some. If that doesn’t sound appealing to you, that’s alright. Just get out of your house regularly to engage with people. You could meet your next boo at the grocery store, gym, library, walking the dog, an event, and so on.
Periods of singlehood during life can be beneficial and insightful. So, if you’re single, look at the pros and be aware of the cons, but also take time to get to know yourself better. Do some digging. Heal what may be desiring to be healed and be optimistic.
What are your thoughts on pros and cons of being single?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash