Want Marital Success? 4 Key Reasons to Try Premarital Counseling

Most people going into a marriage tend to believe it will work out. 

If you ask newlyweds if they believe that they’ll ever experience a divorce, most of them will firmly say, “No way. We adore each other!”

However, statistics show that the divorce rate is upwards of 40 percent. This means that at least four out of ten marriages don’t make it for the long haul, even though the couple probably thought they were in it “till death do us part.”

This being said, it’s actually a great idea to look at the benefits of premarital counseling. 

Typically, couples wait until there are problems in the relationship before they even consider going to a professional counselor. However, the Journal of Family Psychology states that those who undergo premarital counseling or education decrease their risk of divorce by 30 percent. 

The percentage boost is well worth the investment.

Premarital counseling is actually one of the wisest things that you and your fiancé can do as a couple. Why? Studies have shown that such counseling decreases that rate of divorce for couples who take it seriously.

Sure, you’re guaranteed to occasionally face conflict or disagreements in a marriage. Even the easiest of people to get along with run into conflict with a spouse at one time or another. Learning how to face and resolve conflict early on is one of the best things you can do for your marriage.

4 Key Benefits of Premarital Counseling

You may wonder how couples counseling will benefit you before you get married.

You are likely still in the honeymoon phase and may not be experiencing much conflict or differences of opinion. However, there's more to marriage than simply resolving conflicts when they arise.

When you take time to invest in premarital counseling, you're allowing a professional relationship counselor to prepare you for marriage vows, communication, morals, and more.

The following are some key reasons you may want to invest in premarital counseling.

1. You Can Define A Solid Team Mission  

• Do you both feel you’re going into the marriage as a solid team?
• What is the primary mission of your marriage?
• What are the main objectives?
• Is there any substance to it?
• Are you able to partner and work toward the same things in life?
• Do you both want a family? 
• When life throws major obstacles your way, will you face them together as a strong team?

Answering these questions individually and together is a wonderful way to begin a marriage, as you can work toward being on the same page. You can put everything out there on the table with a safe moderator in the room just in case there are differences that come up and you’re not sure how to work through them.

2. You Can Define Your Marriage Vows

A vow is a promise. Marriage vows are promises that you and your fiancé make to each other. 

• What sort of things are important to the two of you?
• What do you promise to do for each other in the marriage? Be fully present?
• Can you listen and empathize with one another?
• Can you offer genuine support and respect?
• Do you commit to loving each other unconditionally?
• Can you offer some security and build a firm foundation?
• Can you meet each other’s strongest needs?

Answering these questions gives you both a chance to dig deep and really think about what it is you want to commit to with your life partner. Being present with a counselor as you discuss these things may help you feel safer to open up and be fully honest. You’ll also get some guidance in case you run into some obstacles.

3. You Can Talk About Values

• What is it that you and your fiancé value?
• What kind of lives do you want to live together?
• Do you value honesty?
• How about integrity?
• Do you both seek financial independence?
• Do you have solid work ethics?
• Are you trustworthy?
• Do you feel free to communicate honestly? 
• What about religion or spirituality?
• Are you on the same page?

Talking about what is important to each of you is important for understanding each other. You certainly don’t want to commit for life if your values are completely opposite, as that could create much conflict down the road.

4. You Can Learn To Communicate

It’s no secret that some people have a tougher time communicating than others.

Some couples go into marriage where they don't honestly talk about much at all. Maybe they just never learned how to communicate in a healthy way growing up, or they just prefer to keep things to themselves.

Either way, things are going to come at you in a relationship that will require you to have open, healthy conversations.

Keeping things bottled up inside will come out and hit the relationship in one way, shape, or form later and that may not feel so pleasant. A counselor will be able to assess your communication skills based on what you share with them, helping you improve them. 

Other topics that can be covered in premarital counseling include parenting styles, finances, gender roles, extended family, sex, and more.

Keys To A Healthy Marriage

Premarital counseling or education can be one key toward a more successful, long-lasting marriage.  As with any healthy relationship, it will take time, effort, and even learning from mistakes along the way.

Even just a couple of sessions can help you build a stronger foundation. Plus, one or both of you may discover individual areas that you would like some counseling for, such as anxiety, chronic stress, childhood trauma, etc.

Surely, you want a beautiful, healthy, lasting marriage.  So, if you want to boost your chances, consider having a conversation about premarital counseling or education. The investment will be well worth it.

Photo by Adam Kontor from Pexels