Relationships can certainly be challenging at times, and many hearts have been broken due to breakups or divorces.
The dynamics of relationships are varied, but relationship experts have come to understand a few things about them that are helping couples grow and flourish.
The following are three red flag comments you should be on the lookout for if you’re embarking on a new relationship or have been in one for a while.
This statement may sound good in a song, but the root of this kind of thinking is desperation and neediness.
If you have ever experienced a partner making you out to be their “god”, dependent upon you for their sole happiness, then you probably can understand how annoying or repelling this can be.
This statement does not usually reflect healthy love. Here is a red flag.
Rather, it reflects a dependency on someone like an infant depends on a parent for love and attention. It usually means that psychologically, a person is in the middle of dealing with childhood wounds that are in need of healing.
The only problem is that a partner cannot heal them. A partner cannot and is not supposed to coddle and pamper and make someone else “whole”.
Feeling like you and your partner are soul mates is wonderful. Having an attachment to each other is normal. However, if you feel like you just could not go on without your partner, it’s time to do some soul searching.
Get some counseling and learn how to meet your own needs, so that you are not relying on an imperfect partner to meet them. As you grow more secure, you will be more apt to be able to form mature, lasting relationship. No doubt living without a partner can cause grief, but the reality is that you can go on without them.
This statement sets up people for heartache.
If you think you only need your partner to fulfill your every need, you set your relationship up for failure. Humans need a variety of people and things to meet their emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual needs: not just you.
If you try to get all of your needs from one person met, it’s like trying to get all of your daily recommended vitamins in one slice of pizza. It’s not going to happen.
Couples do tend to meet some needs, but it is not healthy to have the “all of nothing” mentality. If you are complaining that your gal spends a few hours a week having coffee with the girls, engaging in a Zumba class, or shopping with her mother, you’re out of line.
It’s healthy to have a life outside of you for her own personal growth. At the same time, you need a life outside of her; hobbies, friends, etc. There is a balance that you can work toward. Time together and time apart flows well.
Support the growth of your partner. Suggest they get involved in a hobby or discover something they are passionate about. You don’t only need one person. You need a host of other things to fulfill your needs too.
It’s easy to join up and think, “We are one!”
However, the reality is that you are two. Your partner does not have to be just like you. You have your needs, and they have their needs. They have their desires, and you have yours. They don’t have to be the same at all.
A mature relationship will be able to survive when partners have different passions and desires. It will also survive conflicts and disagreements. You can have similar interests on some levels, but the mentality that “we are one” and no more may set you up for failure.
Healthy love means there will be a feeling of freedom and trust on both ends. It allows each person to become their true self. Healthy love will create a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
Have you heard or said some of these relationship red flags?
If you tend to have these types of thoughts and feelings, consider doing more research on how to have a healthy relationship or see a counselor. There may be some codependent ways of relating going on.
Relationships ought to thrive abundantly, and this is my hope for all. If yours is not, take heart. It can with some knowledge, effort, and perseverance.
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