Self-worth is a sensitive topic, and a very important one at that.
After all, the way we think about ourselves plays a gigantic role in how we live our lives, choose our relationships, treat other people, perform at work...the list goes on and on.
Yet, many people, when asked to consider their self-worth will appear confused, or may need a minute to answer.
How about you?
Self-worth matters because it determines how you think and act, which ultimately influences the outcome of your life. So, let's take a look at what it means, how to recognize it and most importantly, how you can improve yours.
When you ask people what they think self-worth is, the answer you’d most likely get is,
“Self-worth is about how I feel about myself – that is, it is about me loving myself”.
They are right in this sense, but you will start realizing the issue with their understanding of what self-worth is when you inquire by what yardstick they base that love on.
While it might look simple on the surface, this can be a tricky question to answer. I’ll use a little example to explain;
John is an affluent businessman, with lots of money, cars, and ladies around him, whilst Sam is a minimalist and an artist who makes just enough money to stay out of the streets. Sam also has no girlfriend, or any friends really – he simply goes about making art.
Yet, surprisingly, John is very dissatisfied with his life. In fact, he most of the time battles with imposter syndrome.
To John, everyone around him only cares about the things he has, but lacks any real value or respect for him, so he doubts his own worth.
On the other hand, Sam is having the time of his life.
To Sam, the arts and his travels are what he lives for. Sam knows he has a lot of art and creativity to offer to the world. In fact, he knows that the few clients and fans he is able to garner all value him and think he is a special gift to the world.
So, even though Sam struggles to make it through each week, he feels important – and thinks he is very, very valuable.
From the illustration above, it is easy to see where the fault lies with most people’s definition of self-worth.
While the knee-jerk definition of “worth” or “value” is wrongly tied to external events and objects, the true definition of self-worth is rather internal and intrinsic.
People who have a healthy sense of self-worth don’t love themselves because of external metrics like:
Or any other external factor – that is, any other factor that is subject to other people’s perception, judgment, or opinion.
People who have a healthy sense of self-worth base their love on the fact that they are simply humans. Lovable and valuable despite their imperfections and shortcomings.
A person with healthy self-worth believes that they as individuals have a lot to offer – even if they may not be able to measure up to others in a competition. In essence, they do not base their value on comparisons, but on their own intrinsic value as humans.
Whilst this might sound like self-delusion at best and narcissism at worse, it is none of those.
It is not about becoming self-centered, but realizing that you are as valuable as the next person – despite having a different upbringing, status, etc. in life.
Children get this. Kids know they are valuable. And knowing this, they love themselves – which then pushes them to do and be more despite the odds. They believe they can do and be anything. They also value other kids likewise.
The problem with defining self-worth based on anything external is that those measures are extremely precarious.
Though undesirable, you likely might, at one point or the other in your life:
What then happens when any of these situations occur?
Do you become less worthy or valuable?
That is the problem with basing self-worth on anything external – even if it is something that you’re extremely proud of. Love for oneself needs to be built on a firm foundation.
And that is why self-worth should simply be about you, and not what you measure up to – not what other people consider to be success or failure.
Self-worth is very important for a myriad of reasons.
The thing is, if someone doesn't love themselves, then they won’t be motivated to take care of themselves or even accomplish much.
In extreme cases, a lack of rigid self-worth can lead to:
When people don’t value themselves, they tend to distract themselves with substances, don’t go out to compete, and also sabotage themselves when they eventually succeed.
In relationships, people with low self-worth tend to:
Both combinations can lead to toxic relationships.
In the professional life, people with good self-worth often time take on challenging tasks because they believe in their:
Those who lack this self-worth would decline – sometimes fearing that they may not “measure up”, or might embarrass themselves.
In general, people with healthy self-worth understand that they are flawed, but love themselves nonetheless. This means they're realistic about their expectations (both of themselves and others), and don’t mind failing.
They are not delusional, but instead are able to separate their worth from results – results which are, most times, out of our total control.
Improving self-worth is all about a one-two punch of “unconditional love” and “doing your best” (especially in activities that you love).
This can be as simple as:
It's about letting the child know the result doesn’t dent their worth, and still giving them the push and motivation to take on more tasks by themselves.
For adults, it can be a little more complicated.
This is because people who struggle with self-worth at an older age are those who may have experienced:
What this means is - they have a lot of unwinding to do.
The first thing you need to realize is that loving yourself is as simple as transferring the amount of care and attention you would give to a best friend to yourself.
It means:
Remember, it is not about how other people see you, but how you see and treat yourself.
It means you have to trust yourself, and your decisions along the way.
You have to love yourself enough to accept that your decisions and actions were the “best” choices you could make based on your current position. This is crucial because when others decide for us, we feel out of control and less important. Therefore we must learn to decide, stick and sit with the decision.
Furthermore, you have to be bold enough to take risks and see them through.
All of this boils down to changing the inner voice in your head. It is about accepting yourself for who you are and what you’re capable of.
In a nutshell, you can start improving your feeling of self-worth by:
Practicing all of these will eventually improve your self-worth over time.
But, if you still struggle with seeing your self-worth, then you might want to consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.
Editor's note: This article was originally published Jun 22, 2021 and had been updated to improve reader experience.
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July 13, 2025
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Great article and lots of helpful suggestions. I’m confused about the last bit of advice though, “Keeping track of your achievements and accomplishments”. Wouldn’t this be tying your value in external events and basing your self-worth on results? Just trying to understand this idea fully. I’m a fan of your work.
Thanks Hellen! Keeping track of your accomplishments and achievements is a way for us to see our progress and to motivate us to keep making positive change. You don't have to share them with anyone else, or do them at all if you don't feel they will help you. It could be harder for people who focus ONLY on results, as you mention, but for many of us, seeing that we are making positive change can encourage us and show we are on the right track!
The article is insightful. I always viewed my self worth as something which had to be back up by external things such as academics, family, and friends,. How these people treat me would determine how I care and love myself. If the feedback from these people was negative then I would feel less valuable. However,if it was positive then I'd see myself as being worthy. Then problem with this was that the self love would not be stable but would always flacuate...the part were you said "people who have a healthy sense of self of worth base their love on the fact that they are simply humans". That's all the back up self worth needs, the fact that im simply human-valuable and loveable with all my flaws.
"That's all the back up self worth needs, the fact that im simply human-valuable and loveable with all my flaws." - so well said, Vusi. Many of us were brought up to think that validation from everyone else was the mirror we needed to see who we really are. The beautiful thing about personal development is when people see that we have to judge and love ourselves first, as a foundation for how we treat others. It helps us build resilience, trust in our thoughts and feelings and reminds us that we don't have to put up with bad behavior from other people just so we won't be alone. So happy to have you in the community 🙂
now I always thought that self confidence and self worth should be backed up by some external factors.. it could be family, friends, or academics. What my family and friends say about me will determine the amount of love I give to myself. If my academics do not reflect what I think about myself then I will not feel good about myself. This then means that my idea of self worth is not stable but rather flacuates . I like the way you explained a healthy sense of self worth which loving oneself based on the fact that you are human -valubale and loveable with all my flaws. This idea counters what i thought about self worth.I always looked at self worth as being a currency of a country which has to be backed up by the country's resources and minerals.the idea presented in this article is insightful and would allow me to accept myself as I am and will lift off the weight I had mentally put on my shoulders.
So happy you got so much out of this article Vusi. No one is perfect, and so many have come to realize that our flaws are what make us unique. If we can learn to love ourselves, improve what WE want to work on, and build our own faith in ourselves, we will be so much stronger and happier. Sending you so much joy 🙂
This post about self-worth has really hit home, it's something I know is the bottom line to make peace with ourselves and our surroundings. I'm working at it, but at the age of 63 and after many, many years of substance abuse, it's hard work, But for me, necessary.
I also want to thank you for all your insightful posts and daily motivations and affirmations. All together they are really helping me on the path I'm on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Saskia
Wow, thank you for sharing Saskia, you certainly have a powerful story, and we grateful you shared it with us. People like you inspire so many others to just try, whatever their path looks like. We're so happy you are enjoying our our site, thank you for being part of the community and for reaching out. Take care and keep us posted on your journey 🙂
This is an inspiring and insightful article. In the world we live in, it can be hard to practice self-worth because majority of human beings will judge you based on your external achievements. This frustrates a lot of people and we end up living our lives based on the society's expectations. I have worked on my self-worth over time and even though there are situations when I feel unworthy, I am better than when I started. It is a beautiful journey and everyday there's a lesson from our interactions with others. I am grateful for sharing this beautiful article. Thank you
Thank you for sharing this lovely thought Muthoni. I love to hear you say you remember how far you've come, that's so key for building self-worth. We are all on different journeys AND we don't know what other people are dealing with just by looking at them. Focus on your own path! As you said, you are learning from others, but not letting yourself go to negativity. You will inspire others as well who are facing the same things. We appreciate you! Take care 🙂