10 Common Statements Narcissists Use: What Do They Actually Mean?

If you have ever had an interaction with a narcissist, you know how these people make everything about them. 

They might start off as sweet and charming, but over time, you realize that it was all a lie, and they wanted you to be comfortable before they start manipulating you. Things like love-bombing, gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation come naturally to these people, and often you might fail to realize it. 

In some cases, once we realize that we are dealing with a narcissist, we leave them. However, in unfortunate cases, we can’t leave because they are family or work colleagues. However, in these instances, it is vital to learn how to decode the statements narcissists make, so you can protect yourself. 

But, First Things First, What is a Narcissist? 

A narcissist is an individual who has high regard for themselves to such an extent that they disregard the needs of others. (Read more about narcissists here.)

Occasionally, we all do this, but narcissists do it all the time. The world always revolves around them, and it always has to be their way or the highway. 

10 Common Statements Narcissists Use - Which Have Hidden Meanings   

Here are some of the more common statements narcissists tend to use - do any of these sound familiar? 

1. "You’re crazy; It’s all in your head."

This is one trademark of gaslighting.

They say this as a way of instilling doubt in yourself. Once you start doubting yourself, it becomes easier for them to manipulate you and get you to do everything they want. 

2. "You’re overreacting."

This is a form of emotional manipulation they use to ensure that they get away with everything they do.

They want to be able to not face any consequences for their behavior, which might be unacceptable. 

3. "I never said that/ you misunderstood me."

This is their attempt to alter reality.

They want you to believe a particular version of reality that they will be creating. If you don’t believe this reality, there could be consequences. 

4."Why are you so difficult?"

What they really mean when they say this is, ‘why are you not doing what I am telling you to do?’

Narcissists want everything to be about them, and they want to be able to control everything and everyone around them. Knowing that you have a mind of your own and can make your own decisions frustrates them, and in their eyes, you become ‘difficult’. 

5. "I don’t like to talk about my past."

As these people are constantly creating several versions of ‘reality,’ they barely want to discuss their past. This is because if they do so, you will be able to see the inconsistencies in their stories.

You will also be able to clearly see their character and personality based on how they have interacted with other people in the past. 

Moreover, talking about their past might also hinder you from accepting a version of themselves that they want you to see. 

6. "I am sorry you feel that way."

In comparison to ‘I am sorry I made you feel that way’, narcissists do not want to take responsibility for their actions. They will make your response your problem, and they will separate themselves from the issue.

At face value, this statement might seem like they care, but in reality, they don’t and fail to understand why their actions made you feel that particular way. 

7. "You should toughen up."

Because the way they treat those around them is unacceptable, they do not want people to respond.

They say you should ‘toughen up’ and tolerate the abuse they send your way. 

Moreover, they also say this to avoid showing emotional support, especially to children. This can go on to negatively impact the child in adulthood. 

8. "Stop attacking me."

They are likely to say this when you are having a discussion and are expressing how they made you feel or what you would want them to change. To them, this confrontation is like an attack. 

9. "You look stupid doing that."

They will typically say this in public as a way of putting you down and making themselves feel better as well.

Ruining your self-esteem and confidence will also make it easy for them to manipulate you further and put you down. 

10. "This is who I am; you should accept me as I am."

When you express to them your need for them to change their character, they might say something along these lines.

This is because they seem not to understand what is wrong with their personality, and they would prefer it if you ignore their flaws and let them manipulate you. 

How to Deal With a Narcissist

There's a reason these are common statements narcissists make: unlike people with other conditions, they rarely seek help for their personality disorder.

This is because they do not realize that there is something wrong with their personality, and how it is affecting those around them. 

Sadly, if you have been in close contact with a narcissist, you might have to go to therapy yourself. This will help you deal with the emotional damage they could have caused you. 

Confronting narcissists about their behavior might sound like a good idea, but when not done properly it does not always end well.

When you do it, remember that it will likely not make the person change. 

When possible, it is always ideal to choose your peace and mental health and reduce contact with narcissistic individuals. Speaking to a professional, such as a therapist or counselor is recommended, as they can provide you with additional tools to guide you. 

Photo by RODNAE Productions