Relationships are bound to have ups and downs.
Relationships start and relationships end. What they all have in common is that they make sense (Mostly.). The reasons why they (the quarrels, fights, and breakups) happen are clear and understandable – no matter how annoying and infuriating.
However, what doesn’t make any sense is getting ghosted. Getting ghosted is like having someone pull the TV plug halfway into the movie, or game, or whatever you’re seeing. Not only is it annoying, but it can also drive you batty.
Because there is no closure given. It just suddenly ends for no reason.
The story ends halfway with all the suspense. It is not only sad, it is cruel. And whilst everyone else can clearly see this as a wrong done to the person that was ghosted by the "ghoster", the victim often times end up blaming themselves.
The confusion and humiliation often cause the victim to turn inwards to blame themselves for what happened; they may wonder what they did or said wrong.
They may even question their appearance, intelligence, and self-worth. It is not pleasant in any way. Yet more and more people opt-in to ghosting others rather than being upfront.
Are you wondering why this happens so often nowadays?
The ease with which one can block another person across all social media platforms, exit forums, or bar them from contacting them is so easy that it has become a tempting option for so many people (especially if the relationship has been largely online).
Hence, someone may just opt-in for that convenience rather than having to face you or explain why.
Their fear of uncomfortable conversations or confrontation may cause them to simply move on without you.
This may entail them relocating, traveling, or simply ceasing communication. You may even be able to still see them walking across the street or in the office or lecture hall, but the problem is that they just won’t speak to you anymore.. They don’t want to engage in the hard talk.
This reason is not annoying, but you still might never know if it was the cause.
Mental health issues can cause people to sometimes become emotionally unstable and subsequently unavailable.
For instance, people battling with depression may feel like a burden to you, or may not have the energy to maintain a connection so they simply stop trying.
People with high levels of anxiety, or who are battling a traumatic experience may not be able to tell you how they feel, or why they think the relationship cannot proceed.
This can cause them to feel undeserving of being with you.
They end the relationship, and feel too unworthy to even let you know about the reason.
They may worry that the relationship is moving too fast, or transforming into something they are not yet ready for.
Rather than telling you to slow down, or that it can’t work out that way, they would simply run away because (to them) it’s just too much to handle or they’re afraid of getting vulnerable and letting their walls down.
People who grew up to develop unhealthy attachment styles – like the Anxious Avoidant type – may find it difficult to connect intimately with people even if that is exactly what they crave most.
The result of this is that they may be very pumped about the whole thing at first, but gradually drawback (or freak out) as things begin to take shape.
There are people who are unable to understand how their actions hurt other people, especially when they are not physically harming the person outright.
Some people may be:
When you wind up with people like these, it doesn’t matter how nice or great you are, you’re going to get hurt eventually. And, needless to say, it can be extremely difficult to spot these qualities sometimes.
These, amongst several other (uncountable) reasons, maybe the reason you got ghosted.
Need to start getting over someone? Read this next: 8 Helpful Ways to Cope With the Aftermath of Being Ghosted
Unless you are a very toxic, irrationally destructive, or extremely dangerous person, there is hardly any justifiable reason why someone should just abandon you and completely cut you off in their life. Except, of course, they have serious issues, or growing up to do.
In either case, it is not about you.
Most things in life are not really about you. You may be involved, but you are not the reason, and those are two very different things. Your involvement is the reason you are feeling abandoned in the first place, but the reason (or act of abandoning) is all about them.
But, understanding this reality doesn’t cause the hurt to melt away. That is why, you have to become intentional about your healing, rather than chasing after them. You have to let go of the one that got (or ghosted) away. You can’t keep making excuses for them, or blaming yourself either.
Unless they are dead, chances are that they still remember where and how they left you. So, if there is anyone who should be reaching out, it should be them, not you. You have to allow yourself to heal, and after that move on.
Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing after all. Maybe it was a gift – to help you know who is willing to stick with you for the long haul (it obviously wasn’t them). So, rather than cry over being ghosted, consider it an opportunity to find someone more reliable as you come to rely more and more on yourself as well.
Let the ghost go and thank yourself after.