Are You Good at Self-Reflection? 5 Simple Steps to Start Your Practice

Self-reflection.

When was the last time you truly paused to understand yourself?

In a world that’s always on the move, it’s easy to get swept up in the currents of daily life without taking a moment to look inward. Yet, self-reflection is the key to:

• unlocking personal growth
• aligning with your values
• gaining clarity about your path

Think about it: How often do you ask yourself why you feel or act a certain way?

How often do you adjust your habits and choices based on those reflections?

The truth is, without self-reflection, it’s easy to drift into someone else’s version of success or happiness, losing sight of your own goals and desires.

This article will guide you on the transformative power of self-reflection, why it’s crucial for understanding yourself and your journey, and how you can start incorporating this empowering habit into your life.

Ready to dig deep and start creating the life you truly want?

Why is Self-Reflection so Important?

Self-reflection provides us with a way to understand ourselves and our motivations.

We gain insight into why we do what we do. And this often changes across time; after all, you likely aren’t the same person you were ten years ago, right?

Like Brian Tracy, a Canadian-American motivational speaker, says,

“Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. If you change your thinking, you change your life.”

Okay, whoa; powerful. Basically, the more we reflect, the more in control we are of where our life is headed. But let’s dig deeper.

Why else is self-reflection so important?

Helps Us Understand Our “Self”

If we don’t know who we are or what our values involve, we’re going to be dragged into someone else’s lane, whether we like it or not.

When we reflect, we shape our:

• thoughts
• attitudes
• values
• traits
• beliefs
• roles
• and more

In turn, these further evolve to shape how we act and behave and the many pieces that make up our lives.

Yet, the key here is to keep in mind that self-reflection and getting to know yourself is always a constant journey through life. Over time, pieces of this self may strengthen. Meanwhile, other pieces you might shed or let go. This is all part of this beautiful walk we call life.

Are You Introspective? 3 Important Questions to Ask Yourself→

Guides Self Development

When we know ourselves, we can evaluate our strengths and weaknesses and, thus, grow.

We can easily recognize areas where we can improve and make strides toward those improvements. But this won’t happen without time to reflect.

Self-reflection helps us learn by helping us examine and re-assess.

• Where did we go wrong?
• What could we do differently to get to where we want to be?

From there, we can truly get what we want and achieve true and deep personal growth.

Gives Us an Opportunity to Pivot

As Ross yelled in that memorable Friends episode, “Pivot!” 

Pivoting within our lives and our values allows for the biggest leaps in personal growth. But these wouldn’t happen without, at least a little self-reflection. We need to gain awareness to make big changes and potentially shed what is no longer serving us or step into what we need or want out of life. 

In turn, we can make confident decisions for change, leading us to greater satisfaction in life.

What is an Example of Self-Reflection?

A great example of self-reflection is the simple act of journaling and asking yourself questions.

For example, if you faced a particularly stressful event during your day, reflect back on it.

• Why did you act the way you acted?
• Would you do anything differently?
• And if so, what?

How Do You Start a Self-Reflection?

Self-reflection can be a really great tool to add to your mental wellness toolkit.

However, before we dig into more on the “how,” it’s important to note that too much of anything is never good.

And yes, you can absolutely overdo it on the self-reflection front. For instance, self-reflection that involves ruminating thoughts, self-judgment, self-criticism, or negative self-talk might be edging on unhealthy. 

Thus, throughout your self-reflection sessions, make sure to remind yourself to practice compassion. In turn, this can help you focus your energy appropriately and productively.

What Are the 5 Steps for Self-Reflection?

Self-reflection can take as long or as little time as you want. You’re in the driver’s seat here, so don’t feel forced by any means.

But if you’re reading this, my guess is that you’re a little bit interested. So, here are five steps to get you started.

Step 1: Be Intentional.

The very first step is making self-reflection a priority.

If this is truly important to you, you will make time for it and put other things to the side. If you want to go the extra mile, try planning 30-60 minutes for your session so you can really dig deep.

Related Article: Why Self-Worth Matters & How You Can Recognize and Improve It

Step 2: Use Positive Words or Phrases.

Now that you’re sitting down intentionally to reflect, we’ve got to foster up some positivity to avoid the slippery slope of self-critique or self-judgment. So, a few suggestions here… You could start your session off with gratitude to get into the mood. From there, try to frame things positively.

For example:

• Instead of “I should,” make it “I can.”
• Instead of “I suck” make it “I’ll do better next time.”
• Instead of “There’s nothing to fix this,” think “If anyone has the power to fix this, I do.”
• Instead of “I can’t do that again,” think “I can do this instead…”

Positive phrasing can help you make measurable changes here, as opposed to lingering on negative actions or thoughts that may not serve you.

Step 3: Ponder a Question (Or Two!).

With your positive words in mind, it’s time to start digging deep. Ask yourself questions.

Consider these:

• Am I happy with how I behaved? Why or why not? What can I do better next time?
• What is within my control? Does this align with what I value?
• What is important to me? What do I want to gain from life?
• What describes me in three words?
• Who do I want to be?
• Why am I (afraid/happy/angry/sad/etc.)?
• Why do I want to change this?
• Why do I dislike or like the person or the situation?

Related Article: 40 Inspiring Journal Prompts to Guide Your Deep & Personal Journey

Step 4: Write Down Your Insights.

Now is the time to let it all out. Write down anything that comes to mind. Give yourself some time to do this and truly think about each question you ask yourself. 

And most importantly, be honest with yourself. This can be hard for a lot of people, but it’s a trait worth harnessing and practicing to move toward where you want to be.

Step 5: Soak Up the Good & Circle Back.

Then, it’s time to make sense of it all.

How do your answers relate to your values, beliefs, sense of self, etc.?

Take a chunk of time to really make these connections.

After that, plan another session to circle back and see if your connections or observations still ring true or if you’ve gained any new insights. From there, these insights can light your path toward a happier and healthier life.

Are You Going to Start Self-Reflecting?

Life can easily pass us by. If we want to make actionable changes, the bets time to start is right now. And this often starts with self-reflection. If we want tomorrow to be different, it’s up to us.

So, will you make time to self-reflect?

Read Next: 5 Best Guided Journals to Help You Grow Personally & Emotionally

Editor's note: This article was originally published Nov 16, 2023 and has been updated to improve reader experience.

Photo by RDNE Stock project