If you are in a relationship or are married, then you may be aware that relationships don’t just automatically go smoothly.
The honeymoon stage is wonderful, but it doesn’t typically last forever. Rather, healthy, happy relationships take work. Maybe the term “work” doesn’t sound appealing. Let’s look at it as effort. Happy relationships take effort.
Are you doing your part?
When is the last time you sat down with your partner or spouse and had a heart-to-heart about how your relationship is going?
In the dating stage, conversations about roles don’t usually come up. However, once you’re living together or married, these conversations should come up. For example, if you live together and you have rent or a mortgage to pay, you might split the payment or work out some sort of payment arrangement.
Or when it comes to household chores, you might split the chores or agree on one doing more than the other.
Some couples lack communication when it comes to some areas. They may have a quick conversation, but aren’t really defining the various areas in a relationship that require some attention. This can certainly cause some problems down the road.
For healthy, happy relationships, it’s helpful to sit down and have a serious discussion in the beginning of the relationship and then periodically thereafter.
If not, it is time to get to the bottom of the matter.
Let’s talk chores first. There are many things to do to keep a home functioning and tidy. Have you and your partner sat down and talked about who is responsible for what? It’s not uncommon for guys to leave the chores and cooking up to the woman.
We’ve come from a history where this was the way life went in relationships. In addition, each person may tend to want to duplicate how their parents divvied up chores.
However, today, this doesn’t have to be the case, especially when most couples are both working. Granted, if someone is a stay-at-home partner, and the other works full-time, this makes some sense.
But if both have full-time jobs, it is not alright for the woman (or man) to have to work full-time and then come home and have to take care of all the cleaning and cooking.
The bottom line is that regardless of the working situation, a serious conversation about chores should be had. Who is responsible for what? Discuss who will do what chores and who will cook. You could split chores and each of you could cook three nights per week and perhaps go out to eat one night.
It might not be easy to sit and talk about such things, but it will help your relationship out.
Then, you both must actually do your part. Have the conversation, divvy up the chores, and then each of you respect each other and the relationship enough to do your part.
Are you doing yours?
It can be challenging for many couples to discuss finances. In fact, finances are a major cause of arguments in relationships.
You must discuss each person’s role. Each situation is different, so there really is not a “one size fits all” thinking here. If both partners work full-time and rent or own a home, rent could be split half and half. If one partner works full-time and the other part-time, you could arrange something that suits you both.
For example, John and Diane both work full-time and own a home. Their mortgage is $2000 per month. John’s salary is $75,000 a year, while Diane makes $32,000. They sat down and had a heart-to-heart about their financial situation and decided to each have their individual bank account, opening a joint account as well.
They decided to put a certain percentage of their monthly income into the joint account to cover the mortgage and household bills.
Since John made more than double what Diane made, they agreed he would put in 30% more than her. This seemed fair to both of them.
Couples run their finances in all sorts of ways, so don’t be afraid to discuss such things and be completely honest and open. If you don’t, resentments could occur down the road. Down the road, you can check in with each other and see if you want to change things up.
Sometimes couples who are just starting out keep everything separate, and then down the road, they decide to combine all the finances into one joint account. Do what works for both of you, and then, do your part.
If you and your partner/spouse have children, then there are definitely more roles added to the relationship. Raising children is hard work. It’s definitely rewarding, but it takes time and effort.
Gone are the days where these tasks were just for the women. If you want a happy relationship, both of you must take on some of these tasks in a way where you both feel like you’re a team – because you are a team.
Even if you work full-time and you’re tired when you come home, you must still do your part. That’s what you signed on for when you became a parent. But like I said, it’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
Think about it and makes changes if applicable.
Happy relationships require teamwork.
Know that it is alright to sit down and discuss how your team is doing regularly. It will help your relationship. Down the road things may change, so duties may change. Be open and flexible. Commit to being a proactive team member. Happy relationships require two partners in it together. Be willing to do your part.
August 10, 2022
August 9, 2022