Having Trust Issues With Yourself? Understand Why & Learn How to Start

Trust is undoubtedly a big part of any relationship. From an early age, we have people we trust and are comfortable enough to share anything with. 

We can all agree that trust is the foundation of any good relationship. It gives us certainty and guarantees us that someone has our back no matter what. 

We want to surround ourselves and spend time with and open up to people we trust. They make us feel good and help us get better, so why not?!

But, have you ever wondered the extent to which you trust yourself? Do you have trust issues with yourself? 

You’re the person you spend the most time with; in an ideal world, you should be your biggest cheerleader. We often don’t pay enough attention to our relationship with ourselves, which is a pity because our relationships with others often mirror our relationship with ourselves. 

We go above and beyond to ensure that others trust us, but do we trust ourselves? 

Unfortunately, ‘most’ people don’t.

Side note: This is backed by data I collected from my small pool of friends. Can it be generalized? We will have to do more research to find out. But, if you’re like some of my friends who agreed to answer one of my ‘surveys to understand people’, which proved that most people don’t trust themselves, this article is for you!

Signs You Don’t Trust Yourself

Not trusting yourself can be evident in several ways depending on the situation at hand. Some of the common signs that you don’t trust yourself include:

• Constantly needing reassurance
• Inability to make decisions on your own
• Undervaluing yourself and your ideas
• Difficulties communicating your boundaries 
• Having negative thoughts about yourself
• Often experiencing imposter syndrome
• Being scared to speak out and stand for yourself
• Chronic self-doubt

Why do People Not Trust Themselves?

When you’ve doubted yourself for a long time, you accept that as part of your personality.

You assume that’s who you are and don’t bother digging deep. Well, I did the digging for you and learnt that there are two main reasons people don’t trust themselves. 

1. Childhood experiences

Whether we like it or not, we are products of our childhood experiences.

As we grow older, we gain more power to change how our past shaped us, but for a very long time, who we are will be rooted in our childhood experiences. 

That said, growing up in a harsh environment can result in us doubting ourselves. Being constantly compared to other children, bullied or talked down to will make one feel less than others. Having this mentality from an early age means one will grow up to be an adult who has trust issues with themselves. 

2. Our habits

In addition to our childhood experiences, the habits we adopt and live by also contribute to the relationship we have with ourselves.

Things such as dwelling and focusing on the past, constantly worrying about the future, perfectionism, and  procrastination sabotage our well being. 

These habits affect our performance both socially and professionally. As a result our self-esteem and trust also suffers. Once you notice that you have some of these damaging habits, do the best you can to change and/or abandon them before they continue affecting you. 

It is never too late to change!

3 Tips to Trust Yourself More

1. Have reasonable goals

When setting goals for ourselves, we often go big.

The idea is to aim for the moon, so if we miss, we hit the stars, right? Well, that can sort of work in the short term, but in the long run, it can be destructive and demotivating.

Constantly not achieving your goals can make you question your capabilities and capacity. Once you start doubting yourself, you lose your self-confidence. 

Instead, set realistically achievable goals. Break down your goals into smaller ones. Accomplishing these will help you gain confidence and trust in yourself. It will also motivate you to keep a streak of accomplishing goals. 

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

We often find ourselves comparing ourselves to others.

This could be our friends, colleagues or, in some cases, people who have just popped up on our social media timelines. 

This conscious or unconscious comparison might seem like a way to help us improve ourselves and be better, just like the people around us. But, there is a thin line between comparison’s ability to build and destroy us. 

Thanks to comparison, most people find themselves in a pit of low self-esteem and self-criticism. They start seeing themselves as less than, and this destroys their ability to trust themselves. 

There is only one version of you. You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone!

3. Keep a gratitude journal.

Journaling is a great way to keep track of how your days are going as well as your wins throughout those days. 

Constantly reflecting and writing down what you’re grateful for allows you to focus on your strengths and the best parts of your day. This fosters a positive mindset, allowing you to be confident in yourself. 

When having those self-doubting days, you can always go back and look in your journal to see what you have accomplished in the past and what you’re grateful for. This will help you get the boost you need to trust yourself again. 

You Can Overcome Trust Issues With Yourself

Not trusting yourself can be a major setback.

When you have been having trust issues with yourself for a while you might think that is your destiny and you can’t change your perception of yourself. 

Well, that’s not true. Just like any aspect of our lives we can change. 

The first step is to acknowledge that you do not trust yourself. A little bit of reflection will help you notice any patterns of self-doubt you might have. Once you have identified these patterns, the next step is to understand their root cause.

Usually it’s either upbringing or habits. Knowing the root cause will help you tackle the problem from its roots.  

Remember to surround yourself with people who believe in you. Their support makes the journey to regaining trust in yourself smoother.

Editor's note: This article was originally published Jul 22, 2022 and has been updated to improve reader experience.

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi