Negative Emotions: Friends Or Foes? How To Unlock Your Messages

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that dealing with negative emotions isn't a fun process.

Whether it’s sadness, grief, anger, fear, disgust, frustration, etc., these emotions can cause you to feel heavy and miserable.

The stark reality is that many people are bound up, twisted up, and marinating in their negative emotions. They might come across as happy, optimistic people while talking to others. You may run into them throughout your day and think, “Hmm. They got it together!”

However, when they get home, the “happy mask” comes off and they lounge around feeling exhausted from the weight of negative emotions.

Perhaps you can relate.

A Glance at Depression Statistics

Do you know that anti-depressant medications are the most prescribed medications in America? Over 20 million adults have been diagnosed as clinically depressed,  and there are many more who struggle with depression, but never reach out for help.

The National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) reports that that rate of anti-depressant use in the U.S. rose nearly 400% between 1988-1994 and 2005-2008. From 2015-2018, around 12 percent of American adults reported being on antidepressants.

That’s a lot of people suffering from negative emotions.

Are Negative Emotions Friend or Foe?

I was tormented for many years with negative emotions. I didn’t know it at the time, but my bout with depression and anxiety stemmed largely from childhood. In fact, that tends to be where many people’s struggles with negative emotions begins.

Sure, I managed to live a decent life, but under the surface, I struggled a lot. I’d gone through many of the same things you’ve probably gone through.

• Relationship breakup/divorce.
• Job loss.
• Loss of loved ones.
• Financial woes.
• Plenty more.

But over time, I started to view my emotions differently. As I read book after book on emotional healing and wholeness, I began befriending my emotions. Rather than continue to repress, stuff, reject, or disconnect from them, I started embracing them.

Little by little, I started learning how to “feel” them without freaking out. Or, taking them out on those around me. I embarked on an emotional healing journey walking my own unique path, trying various emotional healing modalities.

I’m here to tell you, it has helped me experience fewer negative emotions and more peace and joy.

Core Emotions

What negative emotions do you contend with consistently?

• Fear?
• Resentment?
• Loneliness?
• Anger?
• Depression?

First, I want you to know you’re not alone in your particular struggle. While we may have walked different life paths, I’ve experienced the kind of pain and negative emotions that makes life feel unbearable.

And, I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience that too. At the same time, I want to encourage you with the thought that negative emotions can also play an important role in your life.

We all have core emotions, such as fear, excitement, anger, joy, and sadness. When those emotions get super intense, our brain and nervous system has specific defenses to protect us. 

What Are Your Defense Mechanisms? 5 Common Reactions You Will Relate to→

Perhaps you’ve heard of the “fight, flight, freeze” response? It’s a survival mechanism that helps us as humans survive.

Yes, even intense emotions can cause our system to feel overwhelmed and fear death.

For example, depression may be a defense mechanism that your nervous system uses as a means of protecting itself. It “shuts down” or gets stuck in “freeze” mode. This causes you to feel lethargic, spaced out, sad, etc.

But there is good news.

You can begin a journey of listening to and even befriending negative emotions, allowing them to give you messages that can help you heal.

Your Negative Emotions are Trying to to Tell You Something

Have you ever heard this saying?

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" - Albert Einstein

Facing your negative emotions can be seen in a similar light. If you keep feeling anxious, angry, afraid, sad, it's likely about something - and it's not likely to go away on it's own.

From this perspective, your negative emotions are trying to be your friend, even it seems like they're just hurting you. They will keep pointing to something until you can deal with it.

Learning to let the negative emotions happen, listen to them, face them, try to understand where they come from - this can be part of your journey towards emotional freedom - or at least let you lose the fear and anxiety from having them in the first place. 

It's not an easy path. many of us are dealing with past or current trauma, family or health issues, stress, mental health situations and more. Sometimes you shouldn't face your negative emotions on your own, and need a professional to help you sort through them, as well as give you tools to do so.

Sometimes, you may need to sit with the negative emotions in order to understand where they stem from. Here is where journaling and meditation can help you, as tools for self-discovery.

Negative emotions can be messages that help us get there.

• Maybe it’s time to make a decision to start digging through the layers of emotions to release them. 
• Maybe it’s time to purposefully excavate the grounds that have become hardened and desolate.
• Tear down the walls you’ve erected around your heart.

Reconnect with the “you” that you’ve forgotten about over the years; the “you” underneath the “masks”.

Jim, The Over-Drinker

Take Jim, for example. He’s a great guy in his mid-20’s who drinks a lot. At first, he drank because that’s what a lot of guys did at his age. But over time, he drank more and more, oftentimes over-drinking.

I once asked him why he drank so much. He said, “I like the way it makes me feel. And, I like the way it makes me NOT feel.”

He was referring to the inner painful emotions he feels daily. Things like anxiety, depression, fear, shame, etc.

My heart went out to him. I encouraged him to reach out for professional help, but he refused. He couldn’t see that the negative emotions he felt are messengers in his body that could indeed be healed if befriended and explored.

All it may take is surrendering to the fact that he can’t do it on his own. He could walk into a therapist’s office and say something like, “I hate the way I feel. I drink to cope with these horrible emotions and I want/need help.”

We all need some help sometimes, and my hope is that anyone numbing out, self-medicating, running, drowning in negative emotions, etc. can be courageous enough to take that first step.

There are Tools for Liberation

I’m on a continual journey to discover and use helpful tools for emotional healing and liberation. There are various modalities. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. Your task is to start walking the path and trying out what resonates with you.

You deserve to get emotionally FREE.

In contending with negative emotions like depression, grief, rage, resentment, fear, etc., consider the following emotional healing modalities.

It is time for a transformation. It is time to walk in wholeness and to feel inner peace.

• Professional therapy (There are many kinds of therapists and therapies: Trauma, EMDR, CBT, DBT, psychodynamic, group, brainspotting, etc. See what resonates with you.)
• Support groups
• Mindfulness
• Meditation
• Body work/Somatic Experiencing
• Energy therapies/Alternative therapies
• Spiritual/Religious assistance
• And many more

Facing and Healing Negative Emotions Takes Time

Do some research and see what resonates with you. Take that first step and just keep walking.

Further reading:

It’s Not Always Depression (Super good book)

We also have other articles that could help you start on your journey: 

• Dealing With Painful Memories: The 5 Steps to Help You Work Through
• How My Emotional Breakdown Was the Wake-Up Call I Needed & Could Be Yours Too
• 5 Thoughtful Shadow Work Journal Prompts to Heal Your Wounded Inner Child
• 40 Inspiring Journal Prompts to Guide Your Deep & Personal Journey
• 12 Mental Health and Addiction Recovery Support Groups That Can Help

You CAN do this, if you feel ready. Remember, there's a whole community of people here, likely going through something similar. Reach out for support here, within your friend and family group, with a therapist, mentor or mental health professional. You don't have to suffer alone.

Photo by Liza Summer